|
|
"There
were ten in the bed and
the little one said, ‘Roll
over, roll over!’
So
they all rolled over and
the one fell off, there
were nine in the bed and
the little one said…"
Picture This:
19h30: Jason (3 months), has fallen asleep and been put into his cot with a quick prayer to the Sleep Fairy. His sister Alexa (2 ½), is in her bed and ready to sleep, after Mum has read her the allotted three stories. Mum lies down next to her on her bed, as she always does, and Alexa drifts easily into sleep. After a while, Mum untangles herself very carefully from Alexa’s embrace and gets up. She is tired and half asleep, but there are dishes to be washed and e-mail to be checked.
22h30: Mum and Dad go to bed. They are both exhausted and the only conversation they feel up to is, “Did you remember to set the alarm clock?”
12h00: Jason wakes for his night feed. Mum brings him into bed with her, this being the easiest for her. He feeds for a short while, but she battles for almost an hour to get him back to sleep. Dad decides to go and sleep in the spare room.
2h00: Alexa has a nightmare and comes padding into the main bedroom. Mum, dragged out of her first deep sleep, tells Alexa to go find Dad in the spare room. Off she goes to sleep with Dad. But Alexa likes to stretch out and soon Dad is on the edge of the bed. He goes to sleep in her bed. Meanwhile, Mum can’t seem to get back to sleep again even though Jason is soundly asleep, so she decides to go and sleep on the living room couch.
5h00: Jason wakes again, howling for Mummy and milk. Mum gives him a feed. He is wide awake. She takes him to Dad, and goes back to bed. Dad somehow gets Jason back to sleep again, still in Alexa’s bed.
6h00: The alarm starts ringing in the main bedroom, but Mum, in her sleep, presses the OFF-button instead of the snooze-button, so it never rings again.
7h30: Alexa wakes in the spare room and gets up to find the rest of her family, who have all overslept (again). Dad leaps out of Alexa’s bed and races off to get ready for work. Jason wakes, wanting another feed. Alexa wants her cereal. Another night has passed and another day begins…
This is a perfectly NORMAL night. It is acceptable for a three-month-old baby to need feeding at 12h00 and again at 5h00. And it is quite normal for toddlers to wake once a night. In fact, this is quite a good night!
Advantages
Of Co-Sleeping
Baby
feels warm, safe and loved.
Parents
feel secure knowing baby is right there with them.
For
many children, this is the ONLY place they get any significant stretches
of sleep.
Can
deepen the bonding between parents and baby.
Promotes
breastfeeding, increases milk production and inhibits ovulation.
Co-sleeping
decreases the amount of crying at night.
Less
need to get up at night. If baby cries or has kicked off her blanket,
she can simply be comforted or tucked in again.
Disadvantages
Of Co-Sleeping
Parents
may not sleep very well with baby sleeping between them – some babies
thrash their arms and legs, and make a lot of noise while asleep.
Parents’
movements may disturb baby during sleep.
Parents
may feel a loss of privacy and intimacy.
Some
babies help themselves to a feed more regularly than mother would prefer.
Research has shown that co-sleeping doubles the number of night time feeds,
and triples the total duration of nightly breastfeeds.
Research
has also shown that the interval between feeds is approximately 90 minutes,
compared to 180 minutes of babies sleeping in a separate room. (Mothering
Magazine, No. 114)
If
co-sleeping is practiced as a reaction to a sleep problem, it is generally
not such a positive experience for the parents, and baby is more likely
to have sleep problems later on (but which came first – the chicken
or the egg…?)
Even
staunch family bed supporters admit it works best with only one child
at a time. Not so easy with two or more!
Independent sleeping is relatively new in human history, and the family bed was the norm until about 100 years ago, and still is in most parts of the world. Certainly, no prehistoric cave-dwelling parents would have had separate caves for their babies!
It is quite natural for babies to want closeness, day and night. Most of us still prefer to share our bed with a loved one, and the need for physical closeness is never truly outgrown. Having said that, your children will not be in your bed forever. Most children want to have their own beds sooner or later! Studies have shown that bedsharing is not only safe when practiced correctly, but also helps children grow into secure and well-adjusted adults. When co-sleeping is practiced as a parenting choice, it is generally a positive and satisfying experience for both parents.
|
You
should not sleep with your baby on a couch, on a waterbed, if you
and/or your partner smoke, if your toddler already shares your bed,
if you have been using alcohol or medication that makes you very
drowsy.
|
Tips For
Co-Sleeping Families
Playing
“musical beds” is more common than you think, and is considered
quite normal.
Accept
that it’s a phase that will eventually pass.
Don’t
worry about what others will think about your sleeping arrangements.
Babies
and children go through phases when co-sleeping works very well, and other
phases when it doesn’t seem to work at all. Try to adapt to these
phases.
Get
a bigger bed if you can.
Mattresses
on the floor are always a good option.
You
may get more sleep if you all have separate single duvets rather than
having three (or more) people trying to sleep under one double duvet.
Babies
and toddlers often sleep at 90o angles to their parents. Most parents
just learn to sleep with little feet in their faces.
Cots
that attach snugly to your bed are available and work well for babies
who tend to crawl around in their sleep.
Special
baby nests also work well for small babies sleeping in their parents’
bed.
Try
to get your children used to sleeping in their own beds some of the time,
and preferably for the first part of the night. This gives you at least
some alone-time (or husband-and-wife time).
If
you want to cuddle with hubby (alone!) and your bed is filled with sleeping
kids, use one of the other rooms!
It’s not always easy sharing a bed with your children, especially if you are a fulltime mum and need a little bit of space for yourself in the evenings. But there are few things as sublime as waking next to a sleeping child, their little arm curled around yours and their face an expression of contentment. Life is short, and childhood is even shorter!
© Erica Neser-Nieuwenhuis. Erica is the author of Baby Sleep Guide. See www.adept.co.za/~erica for more info.
