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NEWSLETTER
-AUGUST / SEPTEMBER 2007
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CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE NEWSLETTER ARCHIVES
CONTENTS
Ed's Note
Because I said so… your monthly column from the editor
Featured Article: Travelling with Children and Babies - by Sharyn Spicer & Janine Nepgen
Ask the Experts: Parenting Expert Helen Gosnell answers a question on taming a toddler
Gold Stars & Black Marks: See who gets them this month!
Quick Coffee Break: The Mommy Test
MTW Recommends & Giveaway: The South African Child-Friendly Directory
More Giveaways: See what's on offer!
Noticeboard: Your space
In Closing...
We had a fabulous long weekend with Megan in Joburg, spending time with my brother and his family, seeing the Pretoria Zoo (lots of animals that you don't normally see, but I have to say the gorilla in particular looked rather sad...), and the most amazing, incredible performance of The Lion King. If you have not yet seen it, beg borrow or steal to get up to Joburg to do so - it really is worth it and Megan and her 4 year old cousin Cammy thoroughly enjoyed it. The puppetry, costumes, music, scenery and special effects are all spectacular, and I'm sorry to say the entire production is too big for Cape Town, which is why it's only playing at the newly built Theatro at the Monte Casino. See www.lionkingsa.co.za for more! Anyway I came back from Joburg with a nasty dose of flu (which is why I am only sending this now!), and on that note I must send some gold stars to my mom, who not only had Caty for the three nights we were in Joburg, but when I was at my worst on the Monday, she fetched Megan from her playdate, took her to ballet, and then fetched Caty when my domestic went home, fed them both, returned them at 6, and proceeded to bath Caty and put her to bed. A granny in a million, so Mom, these are for you: 
!
Good news - Mum's the Word is now on Facebook! If you are connected, join up to meet up with other subscribers, share pictures, offer advice, or just have a good old chat! You can find the page at www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=4191738502.
QUICK SURVEY! I have had it with sippy cups! I have yet to find one for Caty that doesn't leak. When Megan was her age I had one with a straw - I think it was Pigeon, but they don't seem to have them anymore and the replacement one leaks terribly. I want to know from you what brand and type of sippy cup you use - be it with a straw or sipper. Email me at sally@mumstheword.co.za
Since I have already written two columns on holidaying with the kids, I thought I would tackle a terrifying journey of another kind... going shopping... with kids. Everybody warns you about a lot of things when having a baby... how little sleep you will get, that breastfeeding is not so easy, that you will spend your life cleaning bottoms and waching bottles... but nobody warns you about taking kids shopping. There is no thing as "popping out for a loaf of bread". Oh no. Shopping trips must be planned way in advance, and budget at least an hour for said loaf of bread!
Like going on holiday, any shopping trip begins with packing. And by packing I don't mean throwing your purse in your bag and grabbing your carkeys. This is a long and arduous process. Start with the babybag. A change of clothes, spare bib, couple of nappies, travelpack of wetwipes, travel bumcream, travel disposable nuclear nappy sacks, tissues... and if you're really organised, disinfectant spray, arnica cream and panado drops for emergencies and unforseen boompsies. Now for the travelling baby restaurant: at least two sterlised bottle of pre-boiled water, ready measured canisters of forumula, spare bottle of purity and babyspoon in ziplock baggie, biltong and marie biscuits. And if you're ultra organised, your custom-made babysling and a small folding changing mat. Now for your handbag. Purse, chequebook, cellphone, brush (to brush your hair in the car - the first brush of the day), waterless hand cleanser, handcream, lipstick (unused since baby was born... you have more important things to worry about, like nipple cream...), oh, and a spare nappy, just in case. Now pick babybag and handbag up to take to car... one, two three... HEAVE! My gosh baby stuff weighs a lot. Who needs gym?
Now to pack to the car. Babybag. Check. Handbag. Check. Pram. Check. Toys for the car. Check. All ready, get in, get ready to go. Hmm... nagging feeling you have forgotten something... OH! The baby! Back inside, get baby in picillo, another HEAVE (no wonder us moms have such well developed arms...), strap baby in, and... the smell hits you. Great timing. Unclip baby, take back out, back inside. Semi-strip baby, hold breath, nappy off... try not puke... and realise you packed your last pack of wetwipes in the babybag... in the car. Hold baby rugby style under arm but somehow still manage to smear nappy contents all over your sort of clean sleeves. Back to car, open boot, discover babybag behind pram, heave pram back out using one hand, wrestle to back of car to open babybag, locate and retrieve wipes. Back inside, attempt to wipe bottom, baby arching up, contorting backwards, give keys to distract, complete operation nappy change. Put baby on floor, wash hands, change top. Back to car, bend baby upside down while putting wipes back in bag... baby desposits breakfast on your fresh top. Strap baby back in, bang head on car on way back up. Wait for stars to disappear, go back inside and change top again. Back to car, FINALLY ready to go. Except. Keys. Still inside. Back out car, back inside, keys not at changing table. Search immediate vicinity, locate behind compactum, HEAVE compactum forward, reach for keys, HEAVE back. Back to car, halfway out door, phone rings. Dash it all. They can phone back.
So finally you get to the shopping mall. You strap your baby in her pram, babybag and handbag on the back of the pram, baby happily reconstituting a biscuit to mush. Realise when you get into woolies that you have nowhere to put your groceries. So you balance a basket over one arms and try manoevre the pram with the other. Apologise repeatedly to people you bash into. Baby starts getting grumpy, give her carkeys to play with. Finally get around to paying, HEAVE groceries onto handles of pram (along with the babybag and handbag), and watch in hypnotic fascination as the pram tips backwards in slow motion, so that baby is staring up at you with round eyes... and every other shopper within a five meter radius is staring at you with horror, I mean what kind of mother are you? So you move your handbag onto one shoulder and the babybag onto the other, groceries over handles of pram and make a hasty getaway to the lifts, by which time baby has realised the error of your ways and starts screaming. FINALLY the lift arrives, the door opens... and everybody standing in the lift stares back at you as the doors close again and the lift proceeds to the next floor. You repeat this process for another ten minutes until finally you spot a gap just big enough for maybe you to fit in, you are not sure about the pram, but make a dash for it anyway, riding over people's feet, but by now you are beyond caring and glare back at them as you reach over and push the button for the parking level.
You pack the car at record level speeds, get baby in, and head home, promising yourself that you will never ever go shopping alone again, at least until baby is walking... not realising that a baby in a pram is in fact far easier than a toddler running off in all directions, but that's a story for another day...
Featured Article: Travelling with Children and Babies
Extracts courtesy of The South African Child Friendly Directory, by Sharyn Spicer & Janine Nepgen
Travelling with children can be difficult but it will help immensely if you try to involve them in the planning of your holiday as much as possible. The greater the influence your children have over the upcoming family holiday, the less troublesome their behaviour is likely to be on the trip. Show your kids the areas you are going to visit in a book or a brochure or on the Internet – this will make the whole experience so much more exciting for them.
If you have very young children, it is probably best to arrange a holiday that doesn't involve too much touring and moving around. If you do need to move around, try to stay at each place for at least four days, so that young kids have time to adjust and become comfortable in each place before being moved on to the next one. Again, involving your child when you plan your holiday will definitely help to ease some of their fears and insecurities.
Travel Tips
Careful planning and organisation is essential if you want to travel safely with children. Before you pack up the house and head out on holiday, make sure that you plan your route well and that you have chosen a child-friendly destination. Some of the things to look out for include guesthouses, hotels and/or resorts that offer reduced rates for kids (some will let children stay free of charge while others only charge half price for kids staying in their parents' rooms). Try to select establishments that provide special “kiddies' menus and meals, baby-sitting services, crêches, kids' clubs and playgrounds, as well as other activities and services for children. If you have a baby, don't forget to check that the establishment has a cot and/or a high-chair for you to use.
Always make sure that children have had enough to eat and drink and that they have been to the toilet before you start your journey. Also make sure they have something to do whilst travelling, for example, a colouring-in-book and crayons, storybooks, dolls, toy cars or special travel-size magnetic games.
To avoid the stress of having to deal with irritable children, parents should try and stick as closely as possible to their regular home routine, particularly regarding meals and sleeping times. Wherever possible try to depart on journeys or plan to arrive at destinations at times that coincide with your kids' regular sleeping patterns.
Young babies are sometimes easier to travel with than toddlers are because they sleep most of the time. Ensure that you take boiled, cooled water and formula with you if you are not breast-feeding. If you are travelling during summer or on a very hot day, supplement your baby's fluid intake with diluted fruit juice between feeds.
What to Pack
Travelling with the kids in tow does not mean you have to take every single thing in the house along with you. Plan ahead and follow our travel and packing tips to help you eliminate all non-essentials from your list.
Regardless of your method of travel, always take plenty of snacks along. These could include things like bananas, raisins, crackers, pretzels, rice cakes, breadsticks, sandwiches, juice, dried fruit and small boxes of dry cereal. Always take fresh water along as well – children can become dehydrated very easily.
Tip: Make sure that your cellphone is charged and pre-programmed with the relevant emergency assistance numbers before you set off.
• Pack wet wipes, which are essential for minor spills. Also take along a bib to keep your child's clothes clean.
• Pack blankets and pillows for napping.
• Don't forget medicated cream for little cuts and scratches, sticking plasters, some after-sun cream for mild sunburn and if you have a baby, an electrolyte solution for runny tummies is always a good idea. In fact, taking along a mini first aid kit including these and other items is essential.
• Make sure you bring along toys, blankets, and other familiar items from home to make your baby/child feel as secure as possible. Create a "toy travel bag/box" stashed full with plenty of toys, snacks and drinks. Include a selection of their favourite toys, games and books, as well as some surprises. For babies, possibilities include bright, shiny new objects, baby-proof mirrors, rattles, musical toys, soft animals, pop-up toys, plastic keys and teething rings. For toddlers you can try puzzles, dolls, action figures, puppets, brightly coloured paper for drawing, colouring-in-books and non-toxic crayons, stickers for the car windows, story tapes, magnetic sketch pads (for all ages) and books. Older kids can enjoy books, a pack of cards, travel-size magnetic game boards and listening to music with a Walkman or an i-Pod.
• For babies, you will need to pack a special bag containing nappies (and nappy bags for soiled ones), bum cream, bottles that have formula already measured into them, a flask of boiled, cooled water, a baby bottle of water, spare dummies, clothes, a bottlebrush, sterilising liquid, nail scissors, a brush, cotton wool and a teething remedy.
• Take along old towels and sheets as furniture covers to prevent stains, artworks and other unwanted expressions of creativity finding their way onto your host's furniture!
Sun Safety Tips
The South African lifestyle and the harsh African sun mean that you have to be extra vigilant when it comes to protecting your children from the effects of UV exposure. On holiday, you should try to follow the tips below:
• Remember to pack hats and a beach umbrella if you're headed for the beach or anywhere your kids are going to be exposed to the hot sun.
• Use sunscreen with a high protection factor (at least SPF 30) and preferably one that has been formulated especially for babies and toddlers.
• Make sure your kids have access to plenty to drink if they are spending time in the sun.
• Apply sunscreen to the ears, lips, neck, face and scalp as well as to the backs of the knees and hands, and keep re-applying often - even on cloudy, overcast days.
• Avoid being in the sun between 10h00 and 16h00 when the sun's rays are at their strongest.
• Make sure your child wears good quality, protective eyewear.
Did You Know? Kids under the age of 6 months should not be exposed to direct sun at all and the use of sunscreen should be avoided as it may trigger an allergic reaction.
First Aid Kit
Warning: Always ensure that all medication is packed in childproof containers!
• Plasters, plain gauze, crepe bandages, Vaseline-gauze for burns
• antiseptic ointment, insect repellant
• cough, cold and headache medication suitable for both adults and children,
• anti-diarrhoea and anti-nausea medication as well as oral rehydration sachets
• for pain and/or a high temperature, take along some paracetamol syrup (ask your pharmacist)
• sunblock and after-sun lotion
• antihistamine pills (for hayfever and other allergies)
On the Road
Self-drive is always a good option for a holiday and on the whole, our local roads are in a fairly good condition. This option allows you to travel at your own stress-free pace and we have some tips to make things even easier.
Road Travel Tips
• Get your vehicle thoroughly checked and serviced, make sure your AA membership has been renewed and remember to charge your cellphone before embarking on any long trip.
• Breaking down is something you want to avoid on a road trip, and you can do some basic safety checks yourself like checking seatbelts (adult and baby), making sure lights and indicators are working as well as checking fluid levels, brakes, shock absorbers, steering, exhaust, tyres and windscreen wipers.
• If you are hiring a car, use a child-friendly car rental company and if possible, ask to hire a child-friendly vehicle. You can also book a car seat for your child at an extra fee.
• Break up your journey by stopping the car regularly i.e. every two hours or 200 kilometres so that you can stay focused and your child has a chance to stretch, run around and go to the toilet. If you have to travel at night, just remember to allow sleeping children plenty of wake-up time before you're going to stop the car, otherwise they will be disorientated and miserable.
• Change the kids' seating arrangements to minimise conflict and allow them to change positions so they don't become bored and irritable.
• Children often spill drinks in a moving car and crumbs and sticky fingers seem to end up everywhere. Try putting a blanket (or another cover) over the back seat to save the upholstery of your car.
• Take along lots and lots of (healthy) snacks, treats, and amusements.
• Find out in advance about suitable places en route to stop over at, and do what you can to turn the trip into a mini adventure for the kids.
• Use window shades to keep the sun off your child or hang a towel across the window. Bear in mind that on a warm day, the temperature in a parked car can become dangerously high in minutes, even with the windows partially open.
• WARNING: Never leave a child (or a pet) in the car - just a few minutes can be fatal.
• To prevent boredom, plan a few games to play in the car and on long trips. Also take along CDs with stories or songs that you can sing along to. Car games like "I Spy" and spotting specific coloured cars or number plates are a great way to pass the time. Teach your kids that each province has its own number plate configuration and which one is from where etc. Older kids can help navigate and mark off your route on a map.
• If you are going on a long journey, get some maps from the AA and/or let your child draw their own map. Encourage your child to study the map and observe whether there are any towns, major roads or rivers, mountains or other physical landscape features en route. Ask them to calculate the time needed to complete your trip if you travel at about 80km per hour. Let them work out the distances between stops as well. By doing this you improve their numerical skills as well as their geographical knowledge. It will also assist them to help with the navigation by responding to the destination road signs along the way.
• Bring a Frisbee or a ball from home for the kids to throw around when you stop.
• Stop at a fast-food place that has an indoor playground. Let the kids play around a bit and take their leftover meals back to the car so that they can eat later.
• Most adults carry some sort of identifying material with them so that in the event of an accident, the emergency services can easily determine who they are. Do the same for your children. Consider taping ID photos of your kids with information like their names, ages and any emergency medical information, to a prominent place in your car or leave their 'identification' in the same place as your own.
• Place some resealable plastic bags in your car boot or carrying bag. They are great for holding messy items like bibs, nappies, wet bathing suits, sea shells and half-eaten bits of food.
Tips for Motion Sickness
If your kids suffer from travel or motion sickness, take preventative measures to minimise the effect. Don't let them eat or drink too much before heading out or during the journey and avoid rich, fatty foods where possible. The least motion occurs between the wings of a plane and in the middle of the back seat of a car so try to get them to look forwards, out of the windscreen, rather than out of a side window. If your child is in a backward-facing car seat, encourage them to face directly backwards. If your child is big enough, sitting in the front seat will help the symptoms. Lying down with closed eyes can also help ease queasiness. Play games to take their minds off things, but don't let them read. Fresh air really helps, so if possible keep the windows open to ensure the car is well ventilated. If the symptoms are really bad, you can purchase over the counter medication and tablets that are suitable for children, or you can use the homeopathic remedy Cocculus 30C, ginger and/or peppermint herbal tea to help calm an unsettled stomach.
Road Safety Tips
Safety is a major concern when you take children along as they are exposed to great risks when travelling in motor cars.
• Don't leave your child unattended in a car for any length of time and never do so if the engine is still running. In the same way that pets die of overheating if left in a hot car, so too can children. Even in the shade, temperatures will still rise incredibly quickly in a car on a hot day. Unsupervised children who are strapped into their car seats or find themselves unable to open a child-locked door, cannot respond in an emergency like the car catching fire! Your car could also be stolen - with your child inside!
• On long trips, you might want to consider sleeping over so you can make a fresh start in the morning. This is a safer option and also enables you to enjoy your holiday more.
• If you are travelling by car, make sure your baby's car seat is properly installed and always strap children into their seats as is required by law. If your child weighs less than 36kg, you must use an SABS approved child restraint or booster seat.
• Children should travel in approved, rear-facing safety seats fastened onto the back seat until they are a year old and weigh a minimum of 9kg. Those older than a year or weighing 9-18 kg, should be contained in a forward-facing child safety seat attached to the back seat.
• Never put your seatbelt around both yourself and your baby - in the event of a crash your baby could be crushed to death.
Did You Know? The safest place for a child is in the back seat of a car, with children 12 years and younger properly restrained. Despite improvements in airbags and car safety features, the back seat remains the safest place for children to sit when travelling in a car.
Tip: Never travel with a young child unrestrained as they can be thrown against the dashboard, into other passengers or through the windscreen in an accident. You should also not allow children to stand on car seats whilst driving.
Did You Know? The vast majority (more than 85%) of children that have been involved in a car accident and treated in hospital, were found not to have been restrained.
Did You Know? You have to upgrade a child's car seat according to their age and weight and using the wrong car seat can do more harm than good if an accident occurs. For more information on child car restraints, see www.childsafe.org.za or contact CAPFSA on Tel: 021 685 5208 or 011 792 4332.
Useful Numbers
• The Automobile Association (AA) – 083 THE AA
• National 24-Hour Emergency – 084 124
• Netcare Travel Clinic - 011 883 3801
• Police - 10111
• Rescue 10177
• Weather - www.weathersa.co.za
Air Travel
Although many people believe that small children should not be taken into populated areas or confined spaces like airplanes, the reality is that parents deserve a break too, and sometimes travelling with a small child is unavoidable. However, even the most confident parents with the most well-behaved children fear in-flight tantrums, so to prevent a potentially trying experience, follow our useful tips for travelling by air with little ones.
These days, many airlines are experienced in catering to families with young children and provide special services and entertainment options to make flights more enjoyable. There are usually suitable movies, children's video channels, toys, games and sometimes even special "goodie bags" available to entertain young children during flights.
Air Travel Tips
• Visit the airline's website and see what they offer and if they seem helpful. For instance, you could check if your airline allows you to pre-book a sky cot before the day of travel as not all of them will do this.
• A golden rule when travelling with children is to always plan and prepare things well in advance for the trip. Always allow plenty of time at the airport for check-in, and for any connecting flights. Never forget what it takes to achieve something with the kids in tow!
• Be flexible and keep your itinerary simple. Book direct flights and wherever possible, try to book your flights to travel at night so that your children can (hopefully) sleep through the journey.
• If you are travelling with another adult, consider booking seats apart from one another so that you can take turns resting while the other entertains the children.
• Book your child a window seat - not only will it keep them confined, it will also keep them entertained.
• Pre-book special children's meals. These are served first so you can eat in peace later on.
Did You Know? Cheap tickets sometimes have hidden restrictions like cabin baggage weight limits so check yours carefully before you start to pack.
• If you are not travelling during peak season, it is worth finding out if your flight is full when you check in. If the flight is not full, some airline staff will block out the seat next to you or offer you the option of seating next to a vacant seat - a bonus if travelling with a toddler under two, who only has your lap for a seat!
• Some parents prefer to board last as they feel that the less time actually spent in the close confines of the plane, the less chance there is of the children becoming restless during the flight. Others prefer to rather take advantage of the "priority boarding procedures" that some airlines offer for parents with children, and get themselves settled before any of the other passengers board. If you do choose to get on first and off last, you have a far better chance of being assisted by the cabin crew.
• Make sure babies and young children swallow on take-off and again on landing to relieve ear pressure. Babies can drink a bottle and toddlers can suck on dummies or chew on jelly sweets. Take some sucking sweets along for the older ones in case the airline doesn't provide any.
• Remember to ask for baby bottles and any kids' meals that you bring along to be warmed up well in advance of when you need them. There is no microwave on the plane and the cabin crew has to heat things using hot water in the galley, which takes time.
• Although most airlines keep a stash of baby supplies on board, it is best to pack your own. Pack a small bag with just one nappy, a few wipes, some bum cream, a nappy sack, face cloth & changing mat or small towel, and place it in the seat pocket in front of you. Take only these essential items into the (small) bathroom for each nappy change. Some airplane washrooms do have baby-changing stations and it is advisable to make full use of these.
Did You Know? Don't forget that your child needs a passport. Since October 1998, separate passports are now required for all children.
How to Avoid Losing your Child
Far too many children are lost every year, especially during the holiday season. In a busy, crowded and unfamiliar area like an airport, it is easy to become briefly separated from your child and in such a situation, it doesn't take long for them to become completely lost. The following advice may help to prevent this.
• Point out airline or hotel employees to your kids. They will generally be wearing a distinctive uniform and you should tell your children to go to one of them, if they become lost.
• Put small children on a leash. This can be particularly helpful when negotiating busy public spaces like airports and railway stations.
• Dress your child in bright clothes so that s/he is easy to spot. Take a photo of your child in that outfit and carry it with you on the day. You can then show it around to people if your child gets lost.
• Place a whistle in your child's pocket or around his/her neck to use in an emergency.
• If your kids are a bit older, you should arrange an obvious meeting place that you will both return to if you become separated.
Impress upon your children that they won't be in trouble for getting lost. Tell them not to panic if they do become lost and that if they follow the steps that you have advised, they will soon be reunited with you.
Arriving at a Child-friendly Destination
Your hosts may not always childproof the room/s for you, so it is advisable to bring along your own basic “child-proofing kit” to use when you arrive at your destination. You may have to cover plug points yourself so don't forget to take some strong tape along for this purpose.
• Check out the surrounding area and your room or cottage for anything that may pose a danger to children, such as uncovered swimming-pools or other masses of water, hot coals, insect nests, wild animals, steep steps and high balconies or railings that kids can climb through. If your room has a balcony, keep the doors and windows locked when you aren't on "full alert".
• Take your child on a mini tour of the establishment and help them to memorise the route back to your room. Explain any rules the establishment may have pertaining to children.
• Make a point of introducing your kids to the staff and the hosts in case they need help at some point.
• If you have to go somewhere without your child (like a business meeting for example) and your hotel does not have a suitable baby-sitting service, you may wish to let your children stay in your room (assuming they are old and responsible enough). If you decide to do this, make sure you teach them some basic rules and safety procedures beforehand, and notify your hosts of your intentions.
• Teach your child to lock the door after you leave and leave it locked all the time whilst you are away. S/he must not open the door to anyone who knocks and should contact the hosts to confirm who the person is. Your child must be told never to let anyone know that they are alone and they should rather say that you are in the loo or bath or on the phone.
• Don't forget to leave your cellphone number with both your child and the management – just in case of an emergency!
Tip: Plan just one major activity a day, so as not to exhaust the options and yourselves!
Tip : Although the beach is a very attractive option for young children, you must ensure that they are aware of the dangers of water.
Tip: If there is no cot provided, put a mattress on the floor to ensure that your baby or child will be safe and comfortable.
Warning! These days many child-friendly guesthouses and even some restaurants have trampolines for kids to play on and although this is great outdoor fun, care must be taken as serious injuries can occur. To prevent accidents, never leave children totally unsupervised on a trampoline and don't let little ones (under six) jump at all. Kids must jump in the middle of the trampoline and should take turns so that only one child at a time jumps.
For more info on the book see www.childrenwelcome.co.za.
Ask the Experts: Taming a Two-Faced Toddler
Q: I am a mother of a beautiful 3 year old daughter, however she can turn into a monster within seconds. She has started pre-school this year and according to the teachers she is very well behaved. To the contrary this does not happen at home, she throws the most horrific tantrums whenever we ask her to do things, like bathing, eating, getting dressed and going to bed. When she wants something she is a little angel and very loving, I would never have believed that a 3 year old could have such good manipulation skills. We have tried the go to your room for time out when she acts up like this and it does not seem to help and neither do hidings. So mom and dad are at their wits end and realise we need to do something! Please help!
A: Helen Gosnell, Parenting Expert Replies:
Firstly I would like to reassure you that the behaviour that your daughter is exhibiting is perfectly normal. Tantrums can continue in children for quite a while and should start tapering in intensity and frequency fairly soon. Some children still throw tantrums until well into their 7 th year! The other very normal part of the behaviour you describe is that she behaves very well at school and saves all of her tantrums for you and your husband. You can actually take comfort from this since it means that she feels very safe at home and knows that you will put limits on her behaviour and not allow her to go over the top. Most children behave themselves out of the home and then they need a release for the pent up energy and emotion they have not felt comfortable letting out during the day. They are also very tired and may also harbour some resentment at having to go to school at all. Understanding where the behaviour comes from goes a long way to helping you to be more patient with her at home. Here are some further tips to help you manage her behaviour:
- When she comes home from pre-school make sure you schedule in some quiet one on one time with her – talk about her day, cuddle, read stories together, do puzzles, take her to the park etc
- Offer her some choices. Giving her some control over her environment makes her feel as though she is not constantly being told what to do. Your choices should always be options you are happy with. Eg would you like to wear this dress or this skirt, would you like to bath before supper or after etc
- If you haven't already got a bedtime routine going, start one. Include stories and some time for talking about things you were very happy with in the day. Ask her what her favourite part of the day was or something that she did that made her feel proud of herself.
- When she is having a tantrum, try not to lose control of yourself. Stay calm, don't try to reason with her and don't attack her – always talk about unacceptable behaviour eg NOT you are naughty, RATHER pouring your juice onto the floor was unacceptable behaviour/naughty etc.
- I am not an advocate of hidings. My feeling is that the lesson you teach a child when you hit her is never positive. It is a lesson of violence, one of I can hit you because I am bigger than you or frustrated or because I don't know what else to do. I have lost control. Quite often, a child who is hit as a form of discipline will hit others in the playground. Then the parent can't honestly teach the lesson of “don't hit”
- Time out as a form of discipline works if it is phrased correctly. For example, I would like you to go to your room to calm down a bit, play with your toys until you feel you are able to talk about what is wrong. It is not punishment – you are creating a space for your child to regain control over ther very intense feelings. Take time out yourself when you are angry to show your child that everyone sometimes needs a space to cool off. Don't insist on an apology ever! Your child's regained sense of calm should be enough for you. It is also not a victory for her if you suggest that you come and share her time out with her – go to her room with her and calmly be there as support as she calms down. Being shut in a room can be very frightening for a 3 year old. Also, don't do time out in a room with no stimulation – ie a bathroom. Would you calm down in a cold, hard room with no comfort things around?
I hope these tips help. Three is a tumultuous age. Ride it out with out harming her self esteem and things will soon be far easier.
Email your questions to sally@mumstheword.co.za.
Three Gold Stars go to Pick n Pay and Dischem for importing MAM products - they make the only dummy Megan would ever take as a baby, and I have stuck by them with Caty. Up until now I have relied on my brother's overseas business trips to keep me supplied, but now I can buy them myself. Let's just hope they bring the Penaten bumcream range sometime soon!
Reader Hayley Bilski nominated
Willowbridge Shopping Centre in Durbanville. She says they have a total of 4 baby changing rooms with a toilet inside for the moms, a comfy leather feeding chair and spotless, new changing areas: "When our little Noah was only a few weeks old, we took him there and I could feed him and change him with peace of mind and privacy. Now that Noah is a bit older, we go to the Fruit and Veg City, order him his very own "latte" (a paw paw and banana smoothie) and enjoy walking around. We love going there and the fact that it is baby friendly makes it a much better experience if you want a good lunch or to do some shopping!"
Reader Celeste Booysen nominated Somerset Mall for Three Black Marks, due to their lack of planning for moms using twin strollers.
She says: "Firstly, you cannot get a dual pram in the revolving door without some fear of being decapitated by it. Secondly, most stores have detector scanners situated in the middle of their doorways to avoid shoplifters, but also not allowing shoppers access with twin prams. Thirdly, when managing access into the store (Dischem for example) the isles are so fully stocked with extra goods that you cannot push a single pram let alone a dual pram through them. The dispensary area of Dischem is equally as bad and a Mom with a dual pram cannot enter there either without leaving her pram and kids at the front and going ahead on her own (not a viable option). As for the toilets - all the regular loos are too small to enter and only the disabled one is big enough but then there is no changing area. There is one rather fabulous newly built special Baby room section in the mall, however again, you cannot push a twin pram through the doorway..." It seems shopping malls in general don't consult with mom's when planning.
Finally, reader Heidi Hudson-Bennett commented on my Cavendish Square nomination: "Actually Cavendish has 2 great FAMILY Loos next to Clicks on the first floor, a huge room with 2 toilets, big and small basin and enough counter space to change a nappy as well as a chair to feed in. They also have a nappy change facility in the disabled loo right next door. Loos always clean and a staff member turns away people if they do not have kids, so up to now we have not had to wait for a loo. I have however been turned away when I was on my own, but with hindsight I am pleased about that." Thanks Heidi - just a pity the loos are so far out of the way that nobody knows they are there! I certainly didn't, but am glad to know about them now and having checked them out they look really nice!
Send your nominations to sally@mumstheword.co.za !
Quick Coffee Break: The Mommy Test
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something
off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away
from her and I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's
dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked,"Mommy, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart."
I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy
Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."
We walked
along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering
this new information.
"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to
be the daddy."
"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face.
Thanks to Celeste Booysen for this! Original source unknown.
For more quick funnies, prose and pictures, see the Coffee Break on www.mumstheword.co.za - and keep them coming to sally@mumstheword.co.za!
MTW Recommends: The South African Child-Friendly Directory
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This directory, written by Sharyn Spicer and Janine Nepgen, is a must have for any family who enjoys travelling. It touts itself as "the definitive guide to holiday accommodation that welcomes you and your kids", and this is exactly what it is. It is divided up per province, and then each province describes the various town and places of interests in alphabetical order, giving contact details of hotels, guesthouses and other resorts who are happy to accommodate children. There is also an excellent chapters titled "Things to do", which again is divided into regions, as well as a useful child friendly restaurant guide offering contact details and information. The book is filled with tips and other useful information to make your holiday a wonderful experience for the whole family. The South African Child-Friendly directory is available from Exclusive Books, or can be ordered online at www.childrenwelcome.co.za, and retails for R120. |
Got something to recommend? Email sally@mumstheword.co.za with info!
GIVEAWAY!
We have three copies of The South African Child-Friendly Directory to give away. To enter send an email with "Child-Friendly Directory" in the subject line (don't forget to include your contact details) to sally@mumstheword.co.za before 10 September 2007 (please don't reply directly to this newsletter).
Stork's Nest Baby Sense 2007 Seminar Hampers!
It's time for the 2007 Stork's Nest Baby Sense Seminars, taking place in Port Elizabeth on 8 September, Cape Town on 15 September, Durban on 22 September and Johannesburg on 6 October. These seminars are presented by Megan Faure, well-known speaker and author of Baby Sense. Topics being presented include Megan Faure on keys to a calm baby, Katherine Megaw on feeding, Dr Simon Strachan (no relation!) on healthy babies and Ann Richardson on sleep secrets. I have seen both Megan and Ann speaking on a number of occassions, and Megan was the only one able to help me with my Megan when she was in the midst of her colicky days! I can highly recommend these seminars, which at R195 are well worth the price for the information you will take home with you (as well as fantastic goodie bags!). For more information please see the events page of www.mumstheword.co.za or see www.babysense.co.za
Baby Sense are giving away eight fantastic hampers, worth over R800! To enter send an email with "Baby Sense" in the subject line (don't forget to include your contact details) to sally@mumstheword.co.za before 10 September 2007 (please don't reply directly to this newsletter).
Noticeboard: This is your space! Submit your comments, ideas or suggestions on anything you have seen or want to see in Mum's the Word. This is also a space to advertise child related products or services, be they your own or something interesting that you have seen or heard about. Email me your contributions and if I deem them suitable I will happily put them up!
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Winners! Congratulations to the following Heidi Hudson-Bennett and Adele Klein who each won tickets to the Cape Town Baba Indaba, and to Victoria Kolnik for winning the Baby Sleep Guide. For more info see www.babaindaba.co.za and www.babysleep.co.za. |
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Mary Poppins in Cape Town are hosting a first aid course on 22 September 2007 - and places are filling up fast! For more info contact Ilse at mpoppins@telkomsa.net. |
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Next issue: Coping with colic and PNT! Send comments to sally@mumstheword.co.za or post them on my Facebook Page (see top for more). Your comments on MTW would also be hugely appreciated! |
In Closing…
What a week. With me finally feeling better, I had Caty had the paed yesterday with tonsilitis, ear infection, blocked nose and bronchiolitis. No wonder she's been so grumpy! And then Megan is off to hospital on Friday to have her adenoids out and grommets put back in - after sharing a room with her in Joburg we realised just how bad her snoring has got! So wish us luck and any tips on taking a toddler to hospital would be appreciated! :-) Wish us luck!
Until next time…
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