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NEWSLETTER
- DECEMBER 2007
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CONTENTS
Ed's Note
Coffee Break Special: Stress relievers for mommies
Giveaways Galore: See how I try and spoilt you!
Noticeboard: Your space
In Closing...
Coffee Break Special! Some funnies to get you in the holiday mood:
Missing:
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ROUND YELLOW THING, USUALLY FLOATS AROUND IN THE SKY! ANSWERS TO THE NAME ''SUN''. IF YOU SEE HIM, TELL HIM IT'S NOVEMBER!!! |
A Letter to Santa from a Mum:
Dear Santa,
I've been a good mum all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my
children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor,
sold sixty-two cases of choc bars to raise money to plant a shade tree
on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out
over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's
red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between
cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18
years.
Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any colour, except purple,
which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze;
but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the lolly aisle
in the grocery store.
I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month
of my last pregnancy.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant
windows, a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't
broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator
with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk
on the phone.
On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes,
Mummy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who
don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without
the use of power tools.
I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in
the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my
voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only
be heard by the dog.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time
to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury
of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served
in a Styrofoam container.
If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to
brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare
tomato sauce a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It
would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the
house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an
organized crime family.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet
under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a
safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come
in and dry off so you don't catch cold.
Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave
crumbs on the carpet.
Yours Always, MUM...!
P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my
children happy, healthy and always believing.
When reindeer flirt:
Life in the age of email:
Dear All,
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails over the years...
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the glue
on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that
needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in their special e-mail program...
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million with
me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died
intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer can buy gas without taking a man along to watch the car so a
serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found
dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex
molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm this
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next
door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
Four cases when it's okay to use the F-word:
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Twas the Night Before Christmas... for Moms
'Twas was the night before Christmas, when all thru the abode,
only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode.
The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds,
while visions of Nintendo 64 and Barbie, flipped through their heads.
The dad was snoring in front of the TV,
with a half-constructed bicycle on his knee.
So only the mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter,
which made her sigh, "Now what's the matter?"
With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand,
she descended the stairs, and saw the old man.
He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug.
"Oh great," muttered the mom, "Now I have to clean the rug."
"Ho-ho-ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake."
"Your gift was especially difficult to make."
"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone."
"Exactly!" he chuckled, "I've made you a clone."
"A clone?" she asked, "What good is that?
Run along, Santa, I've no time for chit-chat."
The mother's twin. Same hair, same eyes,
same double chin.
"She'll cook, she'll dust,
she'll mop every mess.
You'll relax, take it easy,
watch The Young & the Restless."
"Fantastic!" the mom cheered."My dream come true!
I'll shop. I'll read, I'll sleep a whole night
through! "
From the room above, the youngest began to fret.
"Mommy?! I scared... and I 'm wet."
The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart."
"Hey," the mom smiled, "She knows her part."
The clone changed the small one, and hummed a tune,
as she bundled the child, in a blanket cocoon.
"You the best mommy ever. " I really love you."
The clone smiled and sighed, "I love you, too."
The mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal. "
That's my child's love, she's trying to steal."
Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear, "
Only one loving mother, is needed here."
The mom kissed her child, and tucked her into bed.
"Thank you, Santa, " for clearing my head.
I sometimes forget, it won't be very long,
when they'll be too old, for my cradle-song."
The clock on the mantle began to chime.
Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time."
With the clone by his side Santa said, "Goodnight.
Merry Christmas, Mom, You'll be all right.
Author unknown
For more quick funnies, prose and pictures, see the Coffee Break on www.mumstheword.co.za - and keep them coming to sally@mumstheword.co.za!
Giveaways Galore!
Closing date for all giveaways is 24 December 2007. Please include your postal details and contact numbers. Please don't reply directly to this newsletter. One entry per email address. MTW will not be held responsible for undelivered prizes.
Sports Science Institute Festive Fitness Voucher
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Based in Newlands, Cape Town , the Sports Science Institute of South Africa (SSISA) offers a multi-disciplinary range of services and memberships that cater for the general public. One of the attractions is the Wellness & Fitness Centre that boasts an indoor heated pool, indoor running track, state of art equipment, skilled biokineticists, a comfortable non threatening environment as well as crèche facilities. For more information on programmes and services offered by the SSISA contact Nicky Mee on (021) 659 5778 or nmee@ssisa.com. The Sports Science Institute is giving away a Festive Fitness Voucher to the value of R595, which includes a fitness assessment, individualised training programme and a 1 month membership to the Wellness & Fitness Centre (offer must be taken up by 15th January 2008). To enter send your details to sally@mumstheword.co.za with SSISA in the subject line before 24 December 2007. |
Breakfast Voucher for Two at Cafe Bascule at Cape Grace
On the water's edge of the international yacht marina on Cape Town's Waterfront, Bascule is the perfect setting to sit back and unwind against a Table Mountain backdrop. By day Café Bascule is a lively and vibrant destination, the ideal place to enjoy breakfast, a cappuccino or light lunch, while taking in the sights and sounds of the busy Waterfront surrounds. By night, the space is transformed into the glamorous Bascule Whisky Bar and Wine Cellar, home to over 460 whiskies of the world and an impressive selection of the finest Cape wines which can be selected from the cellar. Visit Bascule day or night to enjoy a slice of the city's social energy. Bascule are giving away one voucher for breakfast for two, worth R150.00 to one lucky reader. To enter send your details to sally@mumstheword.co.za with Bascule in the subject line before 24 December 2007.
A night for two at Sugar Hotel in Green Point and one massage or facial
Sugar Hotel is a luxury boutique hotel, situated in trendy Green Point, offering contemporary, natural finishes in grays, blacks and silvers with vibrant splashes of red, blue and green to give it a sexy yet pleasing look and feel. The uniqueness of the design and layout has in no way compromised its luxuriousness and comfort, with special attention having been given to guest convenience and practicality. Sugar Hotel has 7 luxury rooms, all en-suite, one of which being a family room, making it one of very few luxury boutique hotels that accommodate children of all ages. General amenities at the hotel include a well stocked pool bar, a restaurant serving breakfast, light lunches and dinners, a swimming pool, a two roomed treatment spa, two separate computer stations with printers and 24hr internet access, a small curio and wine shop, wireless internet access throughout the hotel at no cost, double glazed windows to minimize outside noise and an on-site secure parking area. For more info see www.sugarhotel.co.za. Sugar Hotel are giving away two fabulous prizes - first prize being a night including breakfast for one lucky couple, and second prize a massage or facial at their inhouse spa for one lucky mom. To enter send an email with sugar in the subject line to sally@mumstheword.co.za before 24 December 2007 (Prize does not include transport, subject to availability.)
A night for two at The Lazy Lizard Guest House in Blouberg
The Lazy Lizard B&B in Blaauwberg is designed specially for comfort and convenience, and is situated near the beach and across the road from 2 major shopping centres. It is also conveniently located within walking distance of over 40 restaurants and bars, over 60 shops and 7 cinemas, and is close to beaches world famous for wind and kite-surfing, 2 golf courses, nature reserves, wine farms and quad bike and 4x4 trails. The Lazy Lizard caters for all from the business executive to holidaymakers and honeymooners. Their rooms are designed for relaxing comfort with refreshments available at all times. Their open plan kitchen and dining room with indoor braai/fireplace set in an eclectic old fashioned, homely style farmhouse is like going back to the time when homeliness and welcoming comfort were the cures for the stresses of life. For more information see www.thelazylizard.co.za or contact Belinda on 021
5571276
The Lazy Lizard is giving away one night's B&B to one lucky couple, in the Honeymoond Suite. To enter send an email with lizard in the subject line to sally@mumstheword.co.za before 24 December 2007 (Prize does not include transport, subject to availability. To be taken up between 15 Jan 2008 and 15 March 2008.)
Curves Claremont one month's membership and figure analysis
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The thought of spending hours at a huge gym with a bunch of sweaty men and size zero women was enough to put me off gym forever, until I discovered Curves. Their motto is no men, no mirrors, no makeup! Curves advocates getting in shape with three 30 minute workouts a week, designed to work and tone every muscle, as well as get your heart-rate up. Clients are also measured and weighed once a month, and staff offer support and encouragement on reaching your goals. For more information or to find a Curves in your area, see www.curves.co.za. Curves Claremont are giving away a one month's membership and figure analysis to one lucky lady (prize to be redeemed by end April 2008). To enter send your details to sally@mumstheword.co.za with Curves in the subject line before 24 December 2007. |
Vital Health Foods Hamper
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Can a healthy diet provide optimum nutrition? Not acccording to the Journal of the American Medical Association. Even though a healthy balanced diet still represents the main source of nutritional intake, multivitamin supplementation is vital to optimise nutritional intake. Multivitamin supplementation is a safe and effective tool for the promotion of health and prevention of chronic disease. Vital offers a wide range of supplements and health foods to keep your body in tip-top shape. Vital are giving away a hamper to one lucky reader, including a range of supplements, health teas and muesli. To enter send your details to sally@mumstheword.co.za with Vital in the subject line before 24 December 2007. |
3 Kids Tales CD's
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Kids Tales children's story CD's contain much loved Fairy Tales and the Beatrix Potter stories to keep your child occupied on long car trips, help them doze off at night and help stimulate their imagination as they listen to the stories and visualize the pictures - and my Megan loves listening to them in the car. The range consists of 6 CD's in total costing only R50 each. Order now for Christmas and get two CD's for only R90 including delivery or postage. For more info see www.kidsworld.co.za/kidstales. Kids Tales are giving away three CD's, to keep your children entertained day and night! To enter send your details to sally@mumstheword.co.za with KidsTales in the subject line before 24 December 2007. |
2 Dizzy Dots Hampers
Dizzy Dots was formed in April 2004 by Kim Worrall and Sally Shuttleworth, both mums who were frustrated with the lack of choice and availability of baby items here in South Africa, and hence Dizzy Dots was born. Their mission is to manufacture and import products for the baby and toddler market with the outcome that these products will make life easier and more fun for parents. For more information see www.dizzydots.com. Dizzy Dots are giving away two hampers comprising of a summer bababag, a snuggle towel and a foam bath mattress (all for babies up to 6 months). To enter send your details to sally@mumstheword.co.za with DizzyDots in the subject line before 24 December 2007.
2 R100 vouchers for babyinc.
baby inc. stocks a range of products and brands that have passed very high quality control standards. baby inc. are fanatical about mixing beauty with lasting quality, and you can be sure that anything you buy from them will last and continue to look fabulous for many seasons to come. Their clothing ranges include established South African designers, whose ranges are trendy but functional, and whose clothes are made to last through many washes and many months of good hard use, with a wide range of 100% cotton linen ranges for both boys and girls equally. Their furniture has been designed to be distinctive in look, very different to the mass market furniture available, and is suitable for all types and sizes of room. baby inc. also stocks a funky maternity range to glam up any mum to be. baby inc. has stores in Hout Bay, Somerset West, Tygervalley Irene and Umhlanga. For more info see www.babyinc.co.za. baby inc. are giving away two gift vouchers to the value of R100. To enter send your details to sally@mumstheword.co.za with babyinc in the subject line before 24 December 2007.
3 autographed copies of Freshlyground's Ma'Cherie
I have saved the best for last. I have three copies of Freshlygrounds latest release, Ma'Cherie, to give away, including hits such as Pot Belly, Manikiniki and of course Ma'Cherie. But these are not just any copies, but personally autographed copies. Yes, I have friends in high places. I am a big fan. For more info see www.freshlyground.com. To enter send your details to sally@mumstheword.co.za with freshlyground in the subject line before 24 December 2007.
In Closing…
What a year. Busy busy busy. And the New Year brings lots of new changes in our household - the most exciting and scary being Megan starting her new school - the same junior school I went to and I am sure I am going to have more than a few tears in my eyes the day she starts! And Caty hopefully starting at Megan's old nursery school in July - they are growing up too quickly. Here's to a wonderful and safe festive season to all my readers, travel safe and see you next year!
Until next time…
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