NEWSLETTER -JUNE 2007

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CONTENTS
Ed's Note
Because I said so… your monthly column from the editor
Featured Article: The Nightmare of Night Terrors, by Frank Coetzee
Ask the Experts: Toilet Training Regression
Quick Coffee Break: Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!
MTW Recommends & Giveaway: Perfect Steps book
Noticeboard: Your space
In Closing...

Ed's Note
Wow what a lot of entries for my special Mother's Day giveaways! Congratulations to all of you who won, and if you didn't, keep entering, your time will come!   Last week I spent  a  couple of days studying for my motorbike learner's - I think I have lost my mind and actually agreed to go with my husband at the crack of dawn on  a  Saturday morning to do the test! The licensing department is in such a shambles that you take whatever appointment you can get!   Well done to me - I passed first time (hah, unlike my hubby who passed on his second attempt!!)  Thank goodness I have another eighteen months to learn how to actually ride a motorbike before I do the practical test! Why, I hear you say? Well, my husband recently bought himself a vintage bike (which sounds like a flipping Harley and there is no chance you will see me on it) but we are hoping to pair it with a cute little 1970's BMW bike with a side-car... perfect for Sunday drives... in like twelve years when the girls are big enough to go with! :-) Oh well, everyone has to have their dreams, and riding old bikes is my husband's, so once he's got his way it's time to start working on my (slightly more ambitious, expensive) dream - to fly planes  and/or helicopters - I don't care, as long as I get off the ground ! One day...   Being a mom has always been my main quest in life, and now that I have that, everything else has to fall by the wayside. So maybe one day, when my girls are big, I will get that chef's diploma, open a B&B, and... fly planes! So what is your secret dream? Tell me at sally@mumstheword.co.za .

Because I said so…

I am sitting writing this on the couch, because my husband has annexed my computer to pay the accounts, and since that is his least favourite task – somewhere below cleaning dog-poop – well I can't complain! But one thing is clear: my handwriting has deteriorated somewhat since leaving school! And why is that? Because I so rarely have to actually write something long-hand anymore – even writing out a check at Woolies or Pick n Pay is no longer required since their machine prints it for you! Lucky I still know how to sign my name on the jolly things!

But all this has got me thinking how much things have changed since I was a kid – gosh, that sentence makes me feel ancient (and I promise you, I'm not – the other day in Woolies someone told me that I look far too young to have two kids – made my year never mind my day!) We didn't have microwaves or computers – I think I was in highschool when we got out first desk top computer , and our old microwave was practically the size of an oven! And when I travelled with my family to the far east when I was sixteen, we were amazed at all the Japanese men walking around with their cellphones – wow! I was so excited when I got my first cellphone, which took up my entire handbag, and the only reason I got it was because my boyfriend (now my husband!) lived an entire freeway away and I had to drive my old chorrie late at night past squatter camps and all manner of scary things! We didn't have Playstation or Xbox – just a little TV game console that you plugged into the TV to play tennis (I can still remember the “dickdock… dickdock…” noise it made when the ball hit the line that represented the racquet!) And then there was the old Betamax. For those of you who aren't old enough to know, this preceded today's VCR. Ours was pretty snazzy… it even had a remote control… attached with a LOOONNG cable which ran across my mom's bed onto the floor… And who remembers watching Simon & Simon and Beverley Hills 90210 with the radio on simulcast? Yes, I was a child of the eighty's. No CD's, DVD's or satellite television. When walkmans were cool.

A couple of weeks ago I went on a tour of the school that Megan is going to next year… the same school I went to might I add. I remember when I was in about standard four (remember being in a standards and not a grade? And having a teacher and not an educator? I was still a pupil then, not a learner… but I digress). Anyway, in standard four we had to do a project on any insect – I chose the locust. We had to go to our local library, find out as much information as we could in actual books, write out the project in long-hand into the project book, trace the diagrams (three times mind you so that you can imprint it back into your book), and then colour in the headings (or if you were lucky enough scratch transfer calligraphy letters onto your pages). So anyway back to the tour. There the grade sixes (same as standard four) were in the computer room researching the internet for a project on animals… to be presented in Powerpoint. And do you think that the grade seven teacher had a black chalkboard? Or even a whiteboard? Oh no… she had an interactive computerised board connected directly to her laptop, which not only could display internet search results and examples for the entire class to see, but said class could interact directly on the white screen using touch sensitive koki's! It's all too much for my little brain to handle.

So all of this got me wondering how things are going to be when Megan and Caitlin are older. Will they know what an LP is? A cassette? A video-tape? As it is, since we got PVR (the best investment ever!) we have not used our video machine so it's fast becoming obsolete. Will computers be controlling our houses? Our cars? Our lives? Will Megan and Caitlin still read books? Play imagination games? Know how to find a book in a library? Spend time outside? The answer, if I have anything to do with it, is a resounding YES. They will be allowed cellphones when they are in highschool only, and then they will only be for when the go out. I managed five years of highschool without a cellphone. If I forgot something at home, I used the good old ticky-box. Or just got detention. Which I probably deserved since I was so “loskop” (ask my mom!). And at home? I didn't have text message. I phoned my best friend - yes, every day, after I had seen her at school… but it was one phonecall. Not being interrupted during homework, tv, supper, sleep with the constant beep of an SMS coming through. And yes a computer and internet access is a necessity, but in the study, not the bedroom. And tv? In the lounge. Bedrooms will be for sleeping and play, not isolation into technology.

As much as my parents had different concerns when I was growing up, we still have the same goal in mind – keeping our kids young for as long as possible! And keeping the family unit intact. And keeping them safe. It's not going to be easy, but nobody said that being a parent is easy! So here's to the future – our future, and theirs. Cheers!

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Featured Article: The Nightmare of Night Terrors
By Frank Coetzee

Does your child wake in the middle of the night screaming, kicking or walking around babbling? These incidences are called Night Terrors, when this happens for the first time it can be a terrifiying experience for the parent, and the child will be oblivious to the interruption caused the night before, so what can you do to remedy this problem?

To begin with it is important to know that if your child wakes one night and begins acting like a wild caged animal, or walking about the house babbling, while still asleep, your child is ok, and you are not alone this is called a night terror and is fairly common. Most children will sometimes experience arousal while in a deep sleep, where they will look about the room and be quite confused, as if they are not comprehending what it is they are seeing. The child will usually go right back to sleep after this, and that will be it.

Although there are about 5% of children who suffer from th i s , at an extreme level this is called a Night Terrror, it is important to remember as a parent, that the child is not awake, and is still sleeping, so he/she has no comprehension of what is taking place, this can be very frightening for parents and in extreme cases can happen on a regular basis like nightly, usually at around about the same time every night, there are some simple steps that can be taken to lessen the severity of these attacks, but night terrors are incurable with medication, instead they must be 'grown out of' by the child.

What happens is the child's brain gets 'stuck' between light and heavy levels of sleep, there are ways to cope with this when it happens, such as avoiding things that may trigger an attack . S ome things that may be triggers are,

· Over tiredness, make sure that your child goes to bed at a regular time, and doesn't stay up overly late especially after a big day that has been full of excitement.

· Radical changes in routine , although a radical change in routine cannot always be avoided it is important to warn your child of any major changes before they happen, the more you tell the child the less of an unconscious shock this will be to them.

· Fevers can cause night terrors, so if your child does have a fever make sure that the fever is reduced before the child goes to sleep.

· Stress is not good for the health of a child in any circumstance, if your child is feeling stressed you should do your best to help resolve the situation that is causing the stress.

· Beware of medications such as Antihistamines as they are known triggers for Night Terrors.

· If your child has Night Terrors at a certain time every night, you can avoid an attack by simply waking the child quarter of an hour before an attack time this will stop the brain 'sticking' and stop the night terror from occurring.

Remember that your child is still asleep, it is important to keep calm during a night terror as your child will sense it if you are afraid or panicking and this will make the situation worse, be as soothing and calming as you can. Don't wake your child up during a night terror, this will just confuse and frighten the child. Keep your child safe by making sure there is nothing that can be fallen over or cause harm in the room, during a Night Terror.

The only thing that can remedy a Night Terror is patience on the parents behalf and time for the child to grow out of their Night Terrors, Soon night terrors will be a thing of the past, so remember that you are not alone, there are many parents in the same situation as you.

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Special Announcement: Introducing a new expert on MTW

I am happy to introduce our new expert, Hayley Bilski . Hayley is a qualified Social Worker specialising in family counselling and drug awareness.   After doing her final year prac at a well-known drug counselling centre, she spent three years in the UK working in various fields including child protection, fostering and adoption and counselling families on drug related issues. On her return to South Africa she worked for three years as a school counsellor with adolescents and their families. She now has her own private practice in the Southern Suburbs, focusing on counselling, stress management, drug awareness, career development, building self esteem and parenting skills.   If you need advice on any of these issues, you can send your questions via sally@mumstheword.co.za .

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Ask the Experts: Toilet Training Regression

Q: My aunt used to look after my daughter since she was a baby.  She is now 2 and half years old.  Recently I was forced to put her in daycare.  Tomorrow she will be there for 1 month.  She is not used to that kind of structure/routine.  She knows only the freedom and luxuries of a family/home life.  She is doing well during the day, adores her teacher, is independent at any given task, is making friends, sleeps and eats well.  BUT she refuses to wee at the school, she keeps it in and comes home with a sore bladder and a very full nappy (she wees in the car but I now take her to toilet when collecting her in the afternoon).  She is on the nappy at school as I was waiting for her to adapt.  She is full time on the panty at home and is quite proud of it, showing it to everybody who visits and loves going to go the toilet. 

She has quite a strong personality, is very active and loves being around children.  So this must be a psychological thing, that goes hand-in-hand with her adapting with her new environment.  Is there anything I can do to help her?

At the moment I have been encouraging her by saying to her, “can you pee in your nappy once today and then I'm going to give you something special” … she agrees but then says “I want to see something special”.  I have to smile.  I am doing this very subtly and two days this week she peed in her nappy.  Her teacher is also subtly encouraging her but my daughter is reluctant. Perhaps she is shy of the other children? I don't know.

Sally Hetherington, mother and editor of MTW Replies:

This is a hard one to answer. I think you must bear in mind that any kind of change in routine can make a child revert, for example having a new baby in the house, moving, etc. I think the sudden move to daycare is a HUGE adjustment for her, which might be why she's not wanting to go to the toilet at school. I think you just need to be very patient, encouraging and positive. Of course don't punish her for this, but encourage and praise when she does go at school. Perhaps her teacher could keep a star-chart or something similar at school in the toilet area to put a star on when she does go? You might also be confusing her by putting her back into nappies? I would encourage her to go to school with panties on, but pack some spare nappies and a change of clothes in her bag for any accidents, and of course tell her teacher not to make a big deal if she does have an accident. She must never feel ashamed, but perhaps she will then use the toilet if she has no alternative. It might take a bit of time, so be patient!

Helen Gosnell, Parenting Expert Replies:

I agree with what Sally has said to you. It is a huge adjustment. Toilet training is often one of the first things to regress when a child is under stress. However, it is also a very good thing to use when children want to get attention. I am sure she is getting a lot of attention around her weeing. I would back off completely and not make an issue of it. Let her know that you are very proud of her efforts at home and by putting her in panties for school, you know she can be as good with using the toilet there. If the teacher will do a star chart, that may also help. Don't make an issue of accidents but make it known that she does not need nappies any more either. Try not to bribe her day by day for wee's – this can very manipulative on her part. Maybe once she has wee'd at school for 5 days, she can have a treat – like a visit to the park / aquarium / World of Birds etc. Reward her with your time and not with things. With you working, having time with you is likely to be a big motivator.

Email your questions to sally@mumstheword.co.za.

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Quick Coffee Break: Daddy's gonne eat your fingers!

I was  packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was  having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said,  "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her  fingers.  Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and  stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat  your fingers," pretending to eat them. I went back to  packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed  staring at her fingers with a devastated look
on her  face. I said, "What's wrong, honey?" She replied,  "What happened to my snot???" 

Thanks to Janine Tassi for this!

For more quick funnies, prose and pictures, see the Coffee Break on www.mumstheword.co.za - and keep them coming to sally@mumstheword.co.za!

MTW Recommends: Perfect Steps, by Lyn Wade

Bylined as "the essential step by step guide for new mothers and babies", this new book is a must-have for anyone about to have a baby.  Being a paperback, it's lightweight and small enough to fit into your babybag, to be on hand whenever you might need it. The book is divided  into chapters that see you through as your baby grows, and includes useful things in between such as feeding guides, recipes, how to's and  tips. There are also spaces to personalise the book to your own baby, for example places for pictures, hand- and footprints, growth and   immunisation charts, first words, and other milestones. There is also plenty of advice on coping with those daunting first few weeks, as well as  making sure that baby is where he should be and what milestones he should be reaching when, with tips on breastfeeding, first-aid, what to  do when they are sick, and also a useful emergency numbers page at the back. What I particularly liked about this book is that it is written by  a South African midwife, so everything is relevant and local - no strange words or terms, and nothing that you can't buy here. I have already  started

Perfect Steps are giving away a copy of this great guide to ten lucky readers! To enter send an email with "Perfect  Steps" in the subject line before 6 July 2007 (please don't reply directly to this newsletter). 

Got something to recommend? Email sally@mumstheword.co.za with info!

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Noticeboard: This is your space! Submit your comments, ideas or suggestions on anything you have seen or want to see in Mum's the Word. This is also a space to advertise child related products or services, be they your own or something interesting that you have seen or heard about. Email me your contributions and if I deem them suitable I will happily put them up!

	Winners! Congratulations to the following who won in our bumper mother's day edition: Sugar Hotel night away - Andrew Strachan; Sugar Hotel facial/massage voucher - Michelle Kearney; one.waterfront breakfast - Rochelle Heynes; Burgershof B&B night away - Nicolette Potgieter; Caterina photoshoot - Karen Badenhorst;  Jewels from Heaven bracelets / cellphone charms - Nadeema Panday, Gasfah Davids, Debbie Oxche & Syda Greyling. For more information on the prize sponsors, see the Giveaways page.
	I recently received an email from a reader warning about a group of Nigerians trying to abduct a child at a Woolworths store in Somerset West. While in South Africa there is certainly a very real problem with children disappearing, I immediately thought the story too similar to many others I have read (and not to have reached the press?), so I contacted Woolworths, and rest assured, this is another hoax doing the rounds. I regularly receive similar mass forwarded emails in my inbox, and I implore readers to please do their homework before creating mass hysteria! A great site to start is www.snopes.com , or try going directly to the source!
	Pretoria Babysitter! Beate Ten Haaf, a 22 year old, Christian student is offerering her serices as an afterhours babysitter in the Pretoria area. She is currently studying drama at the Tswhane University of Technology, speciliasing in children's theatre. She is available evenings, weekends and holidays, with contactable references. You can reach her on 084 8646180. (Ed's note: Babysitters who advertise their services on MTW does not come with any endorsement or recommendation from MTW. Babysitters are used at your own risk and it is up to you to do background checks and training!)
	Next issue: Bedtime Battles !  Post comments or questions on the message board at www.mumstheword.co.za - whatever grabs you! Your comments on MTW would also be hugely appreciated!

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In Closing…

I actually had this newsletter nearly ready to go a week ago, but I was waiting for the resident cartoonist to send me this month's cartoon - after all MTW wouldn't be the same without our monthly dose of Babies on the Run! But the cartoonist had a good excuse - he was heavily involved in the opening of The Lion King in Joburg, which received rave reviews, and we have already booked the cheap seats on Kulula to go and see it in August - can't wait! On another note, Caty is sick... again... just when I was telling someone the other day that we have had a good run! But these teeth of hers just don't seem willing or able to come out just yet, so the poor baba is dealing with runny noses again! Can you believe she turns a year in July - it has gone so fast! So let's hope by then she has more than the token two teeth at the bottom! Will keep you posted!

Until next time…

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