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NEWSLETTER
- JUNE 2005
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CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE NEWSLETTER ARCHIVES
CONTENTS
Because I said so… your monthly column from
the editor
Featured Article 1: Toddler
Sleep Problems, by Erica Neser-Nieuwenhuis
Featured Article 2: Top
Ten Sleep Tips, by Megan Faure
Q&A: Your Sleep Questions
Answered
Bookclub: DVD - Dance with the Teletubbies
Link up! Too busy / tired to surf the web? Check out
this month's useful link!
Noticeboard: Your space!
In Closing...
Because
I said so…
Hands up who’s ever tried sleep training! A couple of hands…
well done for persevering and good on you! Okay now hands up who’s
ever really wanted to try sleep training, really needs to try sleep training,
and is going to try sleep training… just as soon as he’s had
his next set of shots, when we get back from holiday, when she’s
a bit bigger, when this next tooth is through… Well ladies, I am
proud to say that I fit into both categories. I have tried – successfully…
for a while… and well quite frankly need to try again. Megan is eighteen
months now and can’t get through the night without at least two bottles
of formula – I know she doesn’t need them and uses them as a
comfort help-me-get-back-to-sleep aid, but we all know how much easier
it is to give in rather than deal with the inevitable wailing that comes
with “being strong”.
I remember so clearly when Megan was about six month’s old and she
was yet to have a good night – defined as a night of any sleep more
than two hours long. She was never a good sleeper and I broke all the
rules in the book – picking her up, rocking her, walking her –
poor hubby even drove the city stupid at eleven at night trying to get
her down. Well to put it simply I became her human dummy, she refused
even a bottle, so every two hours through the night she would yell hysterically,
roughly translated to “Mommeeee, I can’t get back to sleep!
I need a boooooob!”. I was lamenting all these facts one day to my
baby-group teacher, asking for any advice that I hadn’t yet tried,
when another mom piped up “Oh, I don’t believe in sleep training.
It just seems so (pause) unnatural.” This from someone who’s
first born had slept through from six weeks. Well you can imagine all
the nasty remarks jumbling around in my head just waiting to burst forth
from my acid tongue, but instead I smiled sweetly and said “You’re
so lucky he sleeps through” meanwhile thinking “Just wait for
number two Lady… then you can tell me how you get through your day
surviving on good humour!”
Did you know that sleep deprivation was considered a form of torture in
ancient China? We read the books, the magazine articles, and hear our
friends warn us to “get all the sleep you can!” or “say
goodbye to sleep!”, but still nothing prepares us for just exactly
how tired – and crabby – we will feel at six in the morning
having been up every two hours, when baby decides it’s morning and
requires you to be at marathon running energy levels to keep her entertained.
And how many of you have put the milk back in the cupboard or thrown used
disposable nappies in the washbox? Porridge brain is nothing but a symptom
of the brain atrophy that comes with sleep deprivation!
Sleep deprivation has a way of uniting us tired moms. I remember a new member arriving at my baby-group and quietly resenting her intrusion into our private space – until I overheard her saying how at four in the morning when she’s walking the passages with her son, she thinks of all the other moms up with her at this unearthly hour, needing the comfort that she is not alone in the battle for sleep. She has remained a close friend to this day… (you know who you are!)
But no discussion on sleep would be complete without mentioning Mommy’s little helper… yes you all know what I am talking about. That little bottle kept on the bathroom counter, syringe ready, with the magic purple (or green for some of you) stuff inside. This is kept only for real emergencies of course – we don’t want to end up with regular cries of “Mommeeee! I can’t sleep! Bring me my purple juice!” Yes we all feel a twinge of guilt the first time we have to resort to this, but to me it’s a much better option to help with colic pain and teething sleeplessness than the schedule 5 drug the experts were trying to push on me… it’s like comparing rescue remedy with pethadine! And believe you me the guilt at leaving your baby to scream while standing outside her door is far, far worse – yet in some instances it’s the only way (I know! I’ve been there!) So I must say that sleep training does work – you just have to be very strong and remind yourself who is in control (well okay at least pretend – well all know who really rules the roost!). But for now, well I love my newly acquired status of “in the land of the living” and will keep leaving Megan’s midnight bottles in her cot… I will deal with it when number two arrives – which won’t be for a long, long time. In the meantime, can I offer anyone some coffee… or better yet make that a double espresso!
Featured
Article 1: Toddler Sleep Problems
By Erica Neser-Nieuwenhuis, author of Baby Sleep Guide
and mother of three (including a toddler).
Toddlers can be very stubborn and it should not be surprising that 20-30% of toddlers (up to 3 years) suffer from common sleep problems and 20% of two year olds still wake up and cry most nights.
General
Tips
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Make sure your toddler gets enough physical exercise and fresh air during the day. |
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Avoid using TV or video as a babysitter, especially in the afternoon and evening. |
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Don’t be afraid of setting boundaries. Be consistent. Try to tell your toddler what you would like him to do, rather than telling him what you don’t want him to do. |
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Toddlers (and babies) like predictability and repetition. |
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Older children who are sleep deprived often complain of headaches and tummy aches. |
And Off
to Bed We Go...
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When toddlers become over-tired, unlike adults, they can become hyperactive and bounce off the walls, due to secretion of adrenaline. Catch him and get him down before that happens! |
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Don’t let your toddler decide when he should go to bed. You decide. |
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One of the main causes of toddler sleep problems is because bedtime is too late. |
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Toddlers like to stall the whole going-to-bed process. |
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Be firm, stick to your bedtime routine, which is of the utmost importance at this age. Decide how many stories you will read, how many lullabies you will sing, and don’t be wheedled into doing more. |
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Rub his back when he is in bed. Tell a story and “illustrate” it on his back. This is a wonderfully calming bedtime ritual. |
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Dr. Marc Weissbluth (Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child, p. 325) suggests that you let your toddler repeat after you the following sleep rules every night: At bedtime we… |
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1.
stay in bed… |
Falling
Asleep
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Remember: over-tiredness can lead to neediness. |
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If your toddler wants you to lie with him until he is asleep, make a compromise – tell him that you would like to lie with him, but you can’t (think of a good reason), so you will sit with him and hold his hand. If he makes a big fuss, leave. You can offer to come back again on your terms. |
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You can “negotiate” with a toddler who has a fair command of language, by saying, “Would you like Mummy to sit with you / sing a song / tell a story? OK, if you lie down and close your eyes, I’ll do that.” If he gets up or starts talking again, repeat what you expect of him. If he doesn’t keep his side of the bargain, leave for a minute or so, then come back and repeat what you want him to do. |
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If he keeps coming out of the room, put up a safety gate. It’s less scary for a toddler than a closed door. |
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Alternatively (for a bigger child) you can tell him the door will stay open as long as he stays in bed. If he gets up, the door will be closed. (Leave a night light on and leave his favourite fluffy toy with him.) Open the door after one minute. |
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Popping in and out works well with toddlers. You can tell him that you have to go and do something, but will be back in a minute. Tell him to wait quietly until you come back. You can repeat this trick a few times. Sometimes toddlers fall asleep while waiting for you. |
Baby Sleep Guide offers parents a practical, baby-friendly approach to establishing good sleep habits and solving baby and toddler sleep problems. The book can be ordered from www.adept.co.za/~erica or phone Erica on 083 292 5252.
Featured
Article 2: Top Ten Sleep Tips
By Megan Faure, co-author of Baby Sense. Reproduced with
permission from the Baby Sense website, www.babysense.co.za.
Helping your baby to sleep through the night is a goal for most parents. Sleep disruption is so distressing for most mothers that the sooner your baby sleeps through the night, the better. Meg Faure, co-author of Baby Sense summarises the top 10 tips to help your baby sleep through the night. The tips are in no particular order but by implementing them all you should be in for a better nights sleep within a week.
1. Safety
Put your baby on his side or back to sleep on a firm mattress without
any pillows or duvets to limit the risk of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
/ Cot Death).
2. Sleep environment
For good sleep habits try having your baby in his own room (if possible)
by three months, as you will both have more rested sleep in your own rooms.
Make sure the room can be darkened for day sleeps and morning lie-ins
by putting block out lining on the curtains or blinds. Use soft linen
in the cot and for cool nights, warm the room up a little, without over
heating your baby. For the slightly older baby (after 4 months) use a
sleeping bag to keep your baby warm to prevent the classic 4am night waking
due to kicking all the blankets off.
3. Under three months
If your baby is very colicky in the evenings, delaying bedtime to late
due to fussing and crying, you should try to limit handling after 4pm.
Swaddle your baby to help calm them and to limit night wakings due to
uncontrolled body jerks.
4. Bedtime routine
Have a consistent time for bed with a predictable routine leading up to
bedtime. Between six and seven in the evening is an appropriate time for
babies and toddlers. Start the evening routine with a soothing warm bath
followed by a calming massage (for babies not suffering from colic –
colicky babies do better having the massage in the morning). After bath,
don’t leave your baby’s dimmed room and keep all interactions
in the room calming with less handling and stimulation.
5. Evening feed
Feed your baby as much as he will take before bedtime. If your breast
milk supply seems low in the evenings, offer your baby a supplementary
or top-up feed of expressed breast milk or formula milk before bed.
6. Put your baby to bed awake
Rouse your baby after the last feed so that he has to fall asleep without
the aid or props such as a bottle or breast. The way in which your baby
falls asleep in the evening will be what he expects in the middle of the
night, i.e. bottle, breast, dummy, rocking, etc...
7. Handling fussing at bedtime
After three months, expect a little fussing as your baby settles himself
to sleep. To manage this, without developing habits, leave your baby in
his cot but sit with him, with your hand on him and encourage him to fall
asleep after a little fussing.
8. Night feeds
Never wake your baby at night for a feed, unless your paediatrician has
instructed you to do so because your baby is ill or very under weight.
Wait for your baby to signal that he is hungry at night.
9. Calm night feeds
Keep the middle of the night feeds strictly business affairs – with
no stimulation: keep the room dark, using a passage light to see for feeds.
Don’t change your baby’s nappy at night feeds unless it is soiled
or your baby has wet through the nappy. Limit the time for burping, your
baby will settle best after a night feed if he is resettled quickly.
10. Sleep training
Only sleep train your baby after six months and then only after ruling
out all other causes for night wakings. To sleep train your baby:
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Give him the opportunity to self calm by not responding immediately when he cries at night |
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Respond once your baby is really crying or within 5 minutes |
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Do not lift your baby from the cot, rather sit with him and encourage him to self calm |
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As hard as it is, sit with your baby for as long as it takes for him to resettle. In this way your baby does not feel abandoned but gets the message that you are there but he must go to sleep. |
For more
information on the Baby Sense book and other products, see www.babysense.co.za.
Q&A:
Your sleep questions answered
We asked baby sleep expert, Erica Nieuwenhuis to answer our readers' sleep
related questions...
Question:
"I just want to know how to get my child (17 months)
to wake up later. He goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:00 pm and wakes between
5:00 and 5:30 am. This gives between nine and 10 hours sleep, but it really
is a bit rude, especially in winter and over the weekends! I have tried
ignoring him, giving him a bottle, putting him into bed with me, but this
only works about once a week and it is never the same thing that works!
And then he seems to "get me back" by waking up closer to 4:00
am the next day or not taking a nap and being grumpy the whole day! I
can't keep him up later at night, he is too tired (and as a matter of
fact, so am I). So what now? I am also concerned about me - it seems like
I am very low on energy and struggle to make it through the day without
a nap, even when I got a decent night's sleep. Does anyone else feel like
that, or am I just a lazy girl with a bad routine?"
Answer:
Firstly, NO: You are not just a lazy girl with a bad routine!
It sounds as if your baby has a pretty good routine, going to bed at an
acceptable time and having a nap during the day. (Babies of 18 months
sleep an AVERAGE of 11½ hours at night, and 2 hours during the
day. Keep in mind that some babies sleep a bit less than this, and some
a bit more.The following is an extract from Baby Sleep Guide (details
below:)
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Decide what time you regard as an acceptable wake-up time. Anything before that counts as a night walking (give or take 15 minutes or so!). |
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Going to bed too late can be a cause of waking too early. |
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Noises and movement in and around the house can wake babies too early. If you have to be up very early, try to be as quiet as possible. |
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If you hear baby singing or chattering to himself or whimpering softly, wait. He may be just about to go into that last sleep cycle of the night. Going to him immediately will probably wake him up completely. |
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Sometimes baby's last sleep cycle (say 5 am to 6 am) becomes disconnected from the rest of the night sleep. He may want to have a very early first nap (7 am). If this is happening to your baby, you can try delaying your reaction to early wakings with 10-15 minutes every day, as well as moving his naptime a little later every day. |
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Try giving his first morning feed or bottle a little later so that he is not “rewarded” for waking so early. If he has a feed at 5 am, and goes right back to sleep, no problem. |
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Leave one or two soft toys and a cloth book so he can amuse himself for a while, but keep his bed generally a sleep zone and not a play zone. |
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Put up darker curtains or a blind. This is also useful for maintaining an early bedtime in summer (I attach a length of dark cloth to the curtain rail with some pegs!) |
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If baby sleeps in your bed and wakes too early, pretend you are still asleep (I keep a stack of baby books under my bed, so my little one can sit and "read" while I snooze a little longer on weekends). |
In your particular case, it may just be that your baby is an early bird. If he is totally awake and ready to rock 'n roll at 5 am, you may need to accept this (very rude) fact. I am not a morning person, so I sympathise deeply with you! It is very important to recognise your own need for rest and to make sure that you get enough. Having a nap during the day is a good way of making sure you have enough energy to last the rest of the day without turning into the Wicked Witch of the West. NO GUILT about afternoon naps! If napping in the afternoon is not possible, do make sure you go to bed early in the evening so that you have your recommended 8 hours of sleep at night... Now when you're all done howling with insane laughter, you can get baby ready for bed and say a little prayer to the sleep fairy - I know very well mothers never get 8 hours of sleep!
Question:
"My 18 month old is having too many bottles in the
night - some mornings she wakes up and I count five in her cot! She has
always been a problem sleeper, and now that I finally have her going to
sleep with a bottle (instead of walking her around the house for ages)
I am reluctant to stop her bedtime bottle. In the middle of the night
it is also easier giving her the bottle than taking ages patting her back
to sleep - although some nights she manages on two bottles left in her
cot and she "helps herself". I have tried watering the bottles
down, but there is a fine line between being happy with it - and chucking
it out the cot in fury! I did sleep training once before, but am reluctant
to try again. Is it my only option?"
Answer:
Continual or frequent demands for milk at night, is an
incredibly common problem in babies over 9 months. Don't feel alone!Sleep
training is only one of the options. Due to limited space, I will describe
the options very briefly. For more detailed advice, please read the relevant
section in Baby Sleep Guide (see details below).
What we need to remember, is that babies this age generally don't stop
feeding at night by themselves, without help. They are quite happy with
the situation! There is no motivation from their side to change it! It
is up to us to take the initiative and change the situation. It may be
fine for baby to have a bottle or breastfeed every 2 hours during the
night, but it is not fine for mummy! It is also not good for their teeth
to fall asleep on the breast or bottle so many times at night.
Babies this age can be very strong-willed and adamant! If we try to change
a habit which they are very fond of, they do protest very loudly. This
is to be expected and cannot be avoided altogether... unfortunately there
is no easy, hassle-free, quick-fix way to solve this problem. But bear
in mind that it is in her (and your!) best interest to not have so much
milk during the night.
Frequent milk feeding at night supplies baby with kilojoules (energy),
speeds up her metabolism, stimulates digestion, causes discomfort from
a full bladder and a wet nappy, and influences her hormone balance –
which may all combine to cause even more waking.
Usually the problem of older babies demanding frequent feeds at night,
is one of sleep associations and habit, rather than hunger or thirst.
(Here you may be dealing with a want vs. a need).
Option 1: progressively dilute the milk and decrease the amounts
(by about 10-25 mls per bottle each night). Try to stretch the interval
between feeds by 10 minutes every time. Hopefully at some point she will
see it is not really worth waking up for such a small amount. Important:
if she has finished her bottle and wants more, DON'T give another bottle.
This defeats the whole purpose. Use any other way of getting her back
to sleep except the bottle.
Option 2: decide that you will give her ONE bottle during the night.
You decide at what time you are prepared to feed her. Any time before
that and after, get her back to sleep in any other way except the bottle.
Option 3: take the bottle away altogether. Use any other way of
getting her back to sleep except the bottle. Rocking, singing, stroking,
patting, holding...letting dad walk with her. Whatever it takes. Remember
that you are working on a LONG TERM solution, not a SHORT TERM (getting
back into my bed as soon as I can) solution.
Option 4: sleep training. She gets no more bottles at night, and
if she cries, you go in, give comfort, and leave the room again. Wait
2-3 minutes, then go back in. If she gets hysterical, pick her up and
comfort her. Continue until she sleeps.
Keep
in mind that this is just a very brief summary of the different methods
that one can follow. There are many variations. Feel free to adapt it
to suit your needs and your baby's personality. Also make sure that you
catch up some sleep during this "learning" phase. Be gentle
on yourself and your baby!
For individual email consultations on sleep problems or to order your copy of Baby Sleep Guide, please visit www.adept.co.za/~erica or email erica@adept.co.za.
WIN WIN WIN!
We have two copies of Erica's Baby Sleep Guide to giveaway! To enter, tell us what works for your baby - don't forget to include your name and contact details, child's name, age and birthdate! Send your entries to sally@mumstheword.co.za before the 4th of July 2005!
Bookclub:
DVD: Dance with the Teletubbies
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Okay so it's not for Mums, and it's not even a book, but after watching Teletubbies do everything "again, again" I had to find a new DVD for my daughter! This is a really cute one with lots of dancing - and the inserts are sweet - I even catch Megan trying to do the actions of a little girl doing a tap dance! You even pick up a bit of Tubby humour if you watch it from beginning to end (and I have - many many times) - see Dipsy try to |
Link
up! Special Announcement! www.mumstheword.co.za up and running!
We have been hard at work for the last month getting a website together
for all you mums - with articles, tips, baby gallery and much more! We
aim to grow the website in leaps and bounds over the next couple of months,
so please send us all your contributions for any of the pages - we welcome
any feedback!
Noticeboard:
This is your space! Submit your comments, ideas or suggestions on
anything you have seen or want to see in Mum's the Word. This is also
a space to advertise child related products or services, be they your
own or something interesting that you have seen or heard about. Email
me your contributions and if I deem them suitable I will happily put them
up!
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Tupperware - versatile, durable and dishwasher safe - a must in every mum's kitchen. Ice trays with lids to keep homemade baby food sterile, divided dishes for serving various finger foods to toddlers, unbreakable cups with lids and rippled sides for easy gripping, and every shape and size of storage container. For the latest Tupperware catalogue or to place an order, call Natasha on 021 674 2446 or email thecurrys@telkomsa.net. |
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WIN WIN WIN! We are giving away to three lucky mums one sealable ice-tray (very useful for baby's veggie puree's), as well as two 3-division bowls with lids (ideal for storing and transporting finger foods). To enter, send us your tips or dealing with sick children to sally@mumstheword.co.za. Don't forget to include your name and contact details, child's name, age and birthdate. Competition closes on the 4th of July 2005. |
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Help small babies sleep with the soothing comfort of the Baby Sense Taglet... proven to improve sleep, and small enough to take with you anywhere - or buy a couple to rotate in the wash. For more info see www.babysense.co.za. |
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Got nothing to do on a lazy Sunday afternoon? Why not go to Boulders Beach in Simonstown to visit the penguins? In good weather you can sit on the beach with a picnic - or just stroll along the boardwalk and try and find them in the bushes. My 2 year old niece was absolutely fascinated and couldn't wait to tell her dad about the funny "pen-gins"! |
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Next issue: we will be talking about dealing with sick children - something very relevant at this time of year! Send your comments, tips or questions to sally@mumstheword.co.za. |
In
Closing…
Please have a look at our new website and send us your comments! We aim
to bring you, our mums, a quality product that you have asked for - and
we need your continued support and feedback to do so! Please also keep
sending your newsletters on - it is great to get comments from as far
abroad as the UK! I would love to hear your comments or suggestions, so
please keep them coming to sally@mumstheword.co.za
- and as always submissions are always welcome!
Until next time…
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