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NEWSLETTER
- MAY 2006
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CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE NEWSLETTER ARCHIVES
CONTENTS
Ed's Note
Because I said so… your monthly column from the editor
Featured Article: Preparing for your second child, by Erica Neser-Nieuwenhuis
Quick Coffee Break: Why God Made Mums
Link up & Top Tips: Taking Pictures of Babies and Toddlers
Giveaways! See what's on offer this month
May Events: See what's happening this month!
Noticeboard: Useful stuff!
In Closing...
Ed's Note
It's official. I am cold. After ten glorious days of 35 degree plus temperatures, I am now thrown back into a Cape Town winter! And struggling to adapt! We had a lovely holiday - although I think Megan was very happy to be home and spent the first two hours after we arrived playing with every toy she owned - at least she had the energy to play after sleeping two hours on the plane, unlike Mommy and Daddy who had been up since 2:30am South African time! Needless to say we all had a very early night! Anyway if you would like to see some of the pics have a look at www.mumstheword.co.za/holiday.htm.
This month we bring you an article that I know I need to read up on, as do many of my friends who are thinking of or already have number two on the way - preparing yourself and your first-born for a new baby. Megan is very much aware that things are happening in our house - her new furniture arrived yesterday and she was completely in awe of her "big" bed - but do you think she will sleep in it? Another challenge altogether! Anyway I hope the article provides you with some useful tips on getting everyone ready. We have also arranged two stunning giveaways for you in celebration of Mother's Day - see below for more details and remember to get those emails in! As always I am still looking for articles or personal stories to help fill up my newsletter while I am on unofficial maternity leave (don't worry, I will still do my best to keep your copy of Mum's the Word coming!), so e mail me at sally@mumstheword.co.za or post them on the forum!
What with Mother's Day coming up, it got me thinking what exactly qualifies one to be a mommy. I mean, every other job I have ever applied for required me to submit a CV detailing every aspect of my work experience, and even that didn't guarantee me a spot on the short-list. Yet, anyone can just become a mommy – no skills, no qualifications, nothing – just thrown completely in the deep end. So then I wondered what would my CV look like if I was applying for the job of mommy first time around… and again…
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Then |
Now |
Name |
Sally “Size 10” Goddess, with the world at my feet |
Sally “don't even want to know” Ms Saggy Boobs & Stretch Marks |
Qualifications |
1994 - 1997: BA in Eng & Psych (yes, fat lot of good this will do when up at three in the morning for the third time) 1999: Obtained undergraduate degree in Marriage 301, and received my honours after five years and am currently working towards my masters. |
2003 - 2004: Nappy Changing 101 with honours, Breastfeeding 300 (merit list), Advanced diploma of sleeping with your eyes open, and Doctorate in Surviving Colic. 2004 – completed a short course titled “Toddler Proofing your home – “Why white couches are not a good idea” 2005 – Present: Currently completing degree in Toddler Taming with majors in temper tantrums and letting them know who's boss (although on the verge of flunking horribly…) |
Previous Experience |
Um, well, I have two dogs, both since puppyhood – heck if it wasn't for a riveting episode of Frasier I might have delivered the one myself… Does this count? (we won't mention that four years down the line they are still not completely house-trained and defy me at every opportunity, barking back continuously, stealing food and generally causing chaos…) |
Okay where do we start. I spent the first six months of baby's life walking the passages at all hours while she remained firmly attached to my breast – alternating with bouts of crying and screaming (me crying, baby screaming). The next six months were spent in a frenzy of sleep training (we won't mention here that I failed to complete the course), trying with every fibre of my being to get my child to close her eyes for more than an hour at a time… I was promoted in month thirteen to “Mother of an almost Toddler”, quickly mastering the art of doing five things with two hands and catching baby mid-flight as she toddled off the top step. I was very happy in this position, however management (i.e. baby) decreed that I was ready for Advanced Toddlerdom, and merrily stepped into the Terrible Twos, and with no training whatsoever I had to quickly learn the art of toddler manipulation, advanced tantrum termination and entertainment exams. |
Future Prospects |
Hmm, get a job? Make some cash… travel…? I know I know! Get my pilots licence before I have kids… (HAHA) |
Get as much sleep as humanly possible in preparation for upcoming course: “Baby number 2: What were you thinking?” (course commences July 2006) |
Hobbies |
Reading , movies, going out with friends, dining out, cooking Jamie Oliver style meals for fabulous chardonnay swizzling married friends, basically having a life… |
Hobbies? Who has time for hobbies? Unless you count washing bottles, changing nappies and pureeing butternut as a hobby, since it's what I seem to spend my days doing… |
A brief self evaluation: |
I am highly articulate, just too brilliant for words and I take everything thrown at me as a challenge. I work well under pressure and am able to manage my time efficiently. I would be an asset to any team measuring my success on my outstanding productivity. |
I need sleep. Okay? Just leave me alone. Two minutes. That's all I ask. Can I not even go to the loo on my own? Please just let me wee in peace. I will help you with that puzzle in a minute. Go watch Barney in the meantime. Eat chocolates until you bounce off the walls. I don't care… JUST GIVE ME MY TWO MINUTES! Please. |
Featured Article: Preparing for your Second Child
By Erica Neser-Nieuwenhuis
I always wanted three children. I wanted them spaced two years apart, just like myself and my siblings. A neat little family, one-two-three. I could already picture them in my mind.
Our first-born was a little baby boy. Perfect. An angel. So quiet and so sweet! I looked at his sleepy face and thought to myself, this is so amazing, I might even have four, perhaps five babies.
You know what's coming, I'm sure. Yes, just few short weeks later, the mere thought of having another baby made me panic. My chest would constrict and I would start to shake ever so slightly. Two children? I don't think so. Three children? No way. For more than a year, I felt this way. Every time I had my period, I sent a quiet, embarrased little “thank you” heavenwards for giving me one at least more month of grace.
But then one day, when my son was fourteen months old, I suddenly pictured myself with another child – my son and my baby. The thought came totally out of the blue, but I could see myself quite clearly with my new baby in my arms, my son playing next to us on the carpet. It had taken me fourteen months to reach this point. (It took me another four months to get used to the idea and actually getting pregnant again. And thankfully, pregnancy lasts nine long months, giving me an age gap of just over two years.)
When you have a young baby, it is natural to NOT be able to imagine – or even to shudder at the thought of – having another baby. I believe this is nature's way of spacing our children far enough apart to be looked after well. To not have too many crazy-tired mothers with a baby on every hip.
When I was expecting my second baby, I came upon new worry: how on earth will I be able to love another child as much as my first? It is simply not possible. My heart was already bursting with love, it cannot possibly hold more love of this intensity. I started asking around (not forgetting that I am my parents' SECOND child…). One wise mother who had many, many children, told me something so simple and yet so profound that I needed to ask around no more. She said, “With every new child, you grow a whole new heart.” After having and loving three children, I can testify that this is true. Each love is new, each love is different, and each love is as deep as love can go.
When my little daughter was born, people immediately assumed that our family was complete. Boy. Girl. Whatever reason could there be to have more? I deeply resented this assumption. There was no doubt in my mind that I would have another child. But my daughter was such an exceptional child, needing such exceptional mothering, that I began to realise that three little ones spaced two years apart would not be such a good idea after all. I needed just a little more time. Just another three months. No, six. Make that twelve.
Seven years passed. I finally persuaded myself and my husband that the time was ripe. NOW. I became pregnant immediately.
It was divine.
When my third baby was very small, I could not believe that this would be the last time I would go through this magic. I loved every minute so much I wanted every day twice over. I mourned the fact that she was growing up so fast; I wished I could stay longer in this cocoon of bliss. I could not imagine NOT having another baby, ever. If anyone asked me, “So is this your last baby?” I had to force myself to say, “Yes.” But I couldn't help adding, “I wish I could have another!” I wondered if I would ever be cured of my intense broodiness. This longing for another baby. The sense of emptiness at the thought of not experiencing this again. I resigned myself to feeling this empty ache in my heart every day for the rest of my life. Or at least until I had grandchildren.
My youngest will soon be four. My heart doesn't ache every day anymore. The longing for another baby gradually seeped into my depths. I suddenly hear myself saying that I'm not having more children, that I am “done”. I adore small babies and I will probably always adore them, but it seems I have finally outgrown the longing for another one of my own. I never thought it would happen, but it did, and surprised me with its finality. I am also surprised that I don't feel sad about this change in myself. My arms and my heart are full, my circle of children is complete, and this is the way it was always meant to be.
Preparing yourself and your child:
Rest as much as you can while you are pregnant – your days are numbered.
Avoid moving your child out of his room or cot or pram to make way for the new baby. Borrow stuff from friends for the new baby, who won't care much where he sleeps (as long as it's in your arms).
Don't pottytrain just before or after your new baby. Having two children in nappies is less work than having one in nappies and one weeing all over the house.
I made a little book for my son to prepare him for his sister's birth – it's not that hard! Draw some pictures if you can (stick people will do!), and describe in some detail how things will happen when it's time: he will stay with granny, mum and dad will go to the hospital, baby will be born, he will come and visit, then everyone will come home. Read this story every night.
Let him say good morning and goodnight to baby while you are pregnant.
Buy a present for him which you can pretend comes from the new baby.
Get your toddler used to going to a playgroup or creche if you haven't done so already. No guilt!! You will need some hours of rest when the baby arrives.
A friend of mine suggests that you always talk about your toddler's baby, not your baby, to make him feel less jealous and left out.
Remember that your first child is still a small child, and treat him as such, even if he seems fifty times bigger than your new baby. Relative to the new baby is huge, but before the baby, he was your baby.
Someone once said, imagine if your husband came home one day with a sweet little woman, and told you, this is my new wife, she is coming to stay with us, and even though she screams a lot and I will spend more time with her and less time with you, I want to you to be nice to her all the time… Now you can begin to imagine what your toddler may initially feel.
If your toddler says he wants to take the baby back to the hospital or that she is a pain and that he hates her, resist the urge to correct him and scold him. Rather agree with him by saying, “Yes, you are right! Babies can be a real pain! They cry and poo and can't even talk or play nicely. But see what a wonderful boy you became, and you also started out as a baby.”
Initially the arrival of a new baby has no benefits for the first child, he is getting a raw deal all round. But remember that the benefits just come a little later. When the baby is bigger, he will have a companion. My first two children are 13 and 11, and are still best friends, whereas my laatlammetjie has missed out on the friendship of a close sibling.
Learn to ask for and accept help.
Be kind to yourself, be patient, and remember it's OK to lose it now and then.
Go slow. Life will look like a blur most days, but just keep breathing and remember to keep some Rescue Remedy in the house!
© Erica Neser-Nieuwenhuis. Erica is the author of Baby Sleep Guide. See www.adept.co.za/~erica for more info.
Quick Coffee Break: Why God Made Mums
Sent to me by an old schoolfriend - thanks Mil!
Answers given by second grade school children to the following questions :
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mum?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mums like me.
What kind of little girl was your mum?
1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mum marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between mums & dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but mums have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mum perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
For more quick funnies, prose and pictures, see the Coffee Break on www.mumstheword.co.za - and keep them coming to sally@mumstheword.co.za!
Link up & Top Tips - Taking photos of toddlers - www.hearts.co.za
Brenda Wardall is an experienced Cape Town based photographer, offering a range of packages to suite your needs and your budget, as well as gift vouchers. With experience in weddings, events and family photography, Brenda is also able to travel locally to photograph your family in their familiar environment. Brenda offers the following tips on photographing your little ones:
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Let them play or do something they are comfortable with so you can capture all their different expressions. |
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Try to avoid getting them to say cheese, it usually doesn't result in a natural smile! |
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Dress them comfortably. |
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Allow them to be silly - those are the pictures you will treasure most. |
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Don't force it if they are hungry or tired - work the photo shoots around their schedules. |
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Play along with the weather - don't be put off by rain - you can get some great shots of kids playing in puddles. |
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As the photographer - allow them to help you set up so that they can get more comfortable with you. |
P.S.: Don't forget to add your views on anything and everything to the forum on www.mumstheword.co.za!
Back to contents
WINWINWIN! This Month's Amazing Giveaways!
Breakfast for two at one. waterfont at Cape Grace
One lucky reader stands the chance to win a breakfast for two at the luxurious one.waterfront restaurant at Cape Grace hotel in Cape Town, worth R270! Take your husband or your best friend - come on you know you deserve the time out! To enter send your details to sally@mumstheword.co.za with "Cape Grace" in the subject line before 25 May 2006 (please don't reply directly to this newsletter!) For more information see www.capegrace.com. (Prize to be taken preferably out of season, booking essential!).
Full Photo Shoot
Now this is a prize that anyone would be envious of! A full photo shoot - at your home - to the value of R850, including 20-25 jumbo prints, complements of photographer Brenda Wardell. To enter send your details to sally@mumstheword.co.za with "Photo Shoot" in the subject line before 25 May 2006 (please don't reply directly to this newsletter!) For more information on Brenda's range of services see www.hearts.co.za. (Prize to be redeemed within one month of winning, regret Cape Town subscribers only).
Friday 5 th |
Start of the Annual Riebeeck Valley Olive Festival |
Saturday 6 th |
Rainbow Puppet Theatre performing St George & the Dragon |
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Simply Scrapping Mother's Day Class, Sea Point |
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Constantia Waldorf School May Fair, 11am – 6pm |
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MTN ScienCentre Candle Making Class for Mother's Day |
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Belly Dance Classes, every Saturday at 9:30, Observatory |
Sunday 7 th |
Holistic Lifestyle Fair, Observatory, 10am – 4pm |
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Gourmet Food Festival Tastic Table of Unity on Table Mountain , R400 incl. wine |
Monday 8 th |
Canal Walk Monday Moms Club meeting |
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The Parent Centre, Wynberg Talk |
Tuesday 9 th |
Sugar & Spice Educare, Claremont Talk |
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The Parent Centre, Wynberg Two-Session Workshop |
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Start of Waterfront Wine Festival until 12 May |
Wednesday 10 th |
The Parent Centre, Rosebank Talk |
Sunday 14 th |
Mother's Day! |
Monday 15 th |
The Parent Centre, Wynberg Two-Session Workshop |
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Sugar & Spice Educare, Claremont Workshop |
Tuesday 16 th |
The Parent Centre Wynberg Talk |
Wednesday 17 th |
The Parent Centre, Rosebank Talk |
Thursday 18 th |
Sugar & Spice Educate, Claremont Nanny Training Course |
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The Parent Centre Moms & Babies Group, Claremont Talk |
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Start of Good Food & Wine Show / Cape Gourmet Festival |
Wednesday 24 th |
The Parent Centre, Rosebank Talk |
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The Parent Centre Moms & Babies Group, Claremont |
Wednesday 31 st |
The Parent Centre, Rosebank |
Noticeboard: This is your space! Submit your comments, ideas or suggestions on anything you have seen or want to see in Mum's the Word. This is also a space to advertise child related products or services, be they your own or something interesting that you have seen or heard about. Email me your contributions and if I deem them suitable I will happily put them up!
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We have a winner! Congrats to Tatum Murray who was the lucky winner of the Earth Babies belly cast kit. Your prize should reach you shortly! For more information on Earth Babies see www.earthbabies.co.za. |
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ADVICE NEEDED! I received the following email from a reader: "I am really struggeling to find something suitable for smaller toddlers under 2 years of age, for the winter months on Saturdays (something undercover or indoors.) I live in Durbanville and don't mind travelling to the S/Subs, CT or even as far as Stellenbosch. I have a 15 months old who runs at full steam, so whenever we go out for a bite, I constantly have to run after him. I have even tried Scallywags in Claremont, who have an undercover play area, but have been advised that it is more suitable for children aged 2 - 6. My child is far too active to be confined to a play pen, or even the toddler play area at the Spur. Do you have any suggestions?" Please send through your ideas to sally@mumstheword.co.za or post them on the forum! |
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Next issue: We will be talking about Toddler Eating - something that worries many mums! Post any questions or issues that you feel need to be discussed on the message board at www.mumstheword.co.za - whatever grabs you! Your comments on MTW would also be hugely appreciated! |
In Closing…
Another month come and gone, holiday gone in the blink of an eye! But so nice to be back home and have a meal together on our own (toddlers and buffets don't go!). And yes another month closer to number two! I am getting bigger by the day and feeling decidedly uncomfortable, but I know the reward at the end will be worth it! I hope you all have a fantastic Mother's Day and get very spoilt by your little ones - remember these times are to treasure forever because before you know it they will be all grown up with children of their own! Have a great time everyone!
Until next time…
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