NEWSLETTER -MAY 2007

CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE NEWSLETTER ARCHIVES

CONTENTS
Ed's Note
Coffee Break Special: Laughter and Inspiration
Giveaways! Lots of treats for Mum!
Noticeboard: Your space
In Closing...

Ed's Note

Happy Mother's Day everyone! This will now officially be my 4th Mother's Day - and my first with two beautiful girls! I know last month I said that the article would focus on Night Terrors, but really, who wants to deal with something so scary when it's time to celebrate our life's purpose - being a mom! So I thought this month I would step away from the usual format and instead focus on making you laugh, making you cry, and spoiling some of you with some lovely giveaways! So hope you all get very spoilt by your little ones (and Dad!) - have a lovely Mother's Day everyone!

Coffee Break Special

A couple of funnies...

Beer Test:

Yesterday, scientists for the FDA suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.

Q&A:

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.

A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?

A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.

Having a baby at 65:

The He-mote control:

Some inspiration...

Being a mother:

We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of starting a family. "We're taking a survey," she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"  

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. 

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations...."

But that is not what I meant at all. 

I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. 

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.

That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood.

She might arrange for child care but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her
discipline to keep her from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma.

That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that rest-room.

However she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.

That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child.

That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years - not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a Cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honour. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.

I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.

I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the
threat of nuclear war to my children's future. 

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.

I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time.

I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.

"You'll never regret it," I finally say.

Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

The truth about motherhood:

* Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby...that somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal" is history
* Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct...that somebody never took a three-year old shopping
*Somebody said being a mother is boring...that somebody never rode in a car driven by an unlicensed teenager
*Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good"...that somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee
*Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices....that somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a a golf ball through the neighbours kitchen window
*Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother...that somebody never helped a fourth grader with maths
*Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books...that somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears
*Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labour and delivery...that somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of school
*Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married...that somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings

Know your worth:

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have the compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

However, if there is one flaw in women, it is that they forget their worth.

With thanks to Rebecca LaCount.

Just a mum?:

A woman, renewing her driver's licence at the Dept of Planning and infrustructure office
was asked by the recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.  

"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job or are you just a...?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman. "I'm a Mum."

"We don't list 'Mum' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.  

The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed. What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.  

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, [what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out).  I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters).  Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).  But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.  Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!  And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mum."  

Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" and great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so! I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants".

Motherhood! What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.

For more quick funnies, prose and pictures, see the Coffee Break on www.mumstheword.co.za - and keep them coming to sally@mumstheword.co.za!

WINWINWIN! This Month's Giveaways!

A breakfast for two at one.waterfront at Cape Grace

The setting in one . waterfront, the restaurant at Cape Grace compliments the cuisine as an exceptional blend of comfort and style ensures a  memorable experience. Overlooking the cosmopolitan V&A Yacht Marina, the warm earthy toned interior contrasts with the cool blues that lap  against the edge of this well recognized restaurant. Executive Chef, Craig Paterson's approach to food is simple, stylish, slightly rustic and  confidently  local. Natural flavours are the hero of the day. “The e ssence of my cooking is to use the region's abundant local produce first and  foremost and in this way, allow guests the opportunity to taste the true freshness from a terrain rich with flavourful goods,” says Paterson. Added to  Paterson 's magic, the

A night for two at Sugar Hotel and one massage or facial

Sugar Hotel is a luxury boutique hotel, situated in trendy Green Point, offering contemporary, natural finishes in grays, blacks and silvers with  vibrant splashes of red, blue and green to give it a sexy yet pleasing look and feel. The uniqueness of the design and layout has in no way  compromised its luxuriousness and comfort, with special attention having been given to guest convenience and practicality. Sugar Hotel has  7 luxury rooms, all en-suite, one of which being a family room, making it one of very few luxury boutique hotels that accommodate children  of  all ages. General amenities at the hotel include a well stocked pool bar, a restaurant serving breakfast, light lunches and dinners,  a swimming pool, a two roomed treatment spa, two separate computer stations with printers and 24hr internet access, a small curio and  wine shop, wireless internet access throughout the hotel at no cost, double glazed windows to minimize outside noise and an on-site secure  parking area. For more info see www.sugarhotel.co.za . Sugar Hotel are giving away two fabulous prizes - first prize being a night including breakfast for one lucky couple, and second prize a massage or facial at their inhouse spa for one lucky mom. To enter send  an email with "sugar" in  the subject line to sally@mumstheword.co.za before  31 May 2007 (please don't reply directly to this newsletter. Prize does not include transport.)

A night for two at Burgershof B&B

Burgershof B&B is situated in parklike surroundings, offering the feel of the country, hidden in the very heart of Pietermaritzburg, offering both B&B facilities as well as self-contained, self-catering rooms.  All rooms offer comfy, tasteful, up-market accommodation, and include the charming Lavender Cottage overlooking the garden offering a lounge, two bedrooms (one with a double bed and the other with two single beds), and kitchen/dining area and full bathroom – perfect for families. The quaint Gate House flatlet offers 2 single beds or a queen bed and  full en-suite bathroom, with the front door leading onto its own private patio and garden. The Pool House boasts a lounge/bedroom with a large  king sized bed and a single bed neatly tucked away in the kiddies nook, as well as a full en-suite bathroom,

A photoshoot worth R890 (JHB only)

Caterina is a passionate, professional Gauteng-based  photographer, recommended by Living & Loving as being  one of the best children's photographers in the country, as  well as being nominated as one of the Top Ten Children's  Photographer's in the country by Your Baby magazine. Her  style is based on allowing your children to feel relaxed and  comfortable, enabling her to capture their unique  personalities on camera. Her home studio and quaint garden  inspire children to be more at ease in front of the camera,  feeling less rushed or pressured into posing. Catering uses  digital technology, enabling clients to choose the best  photos without additional, unnecessary costs. For more information or to view Caterina's portfolio, see www.caterina.co.za .  Caterina is giving away a studio photoshoot to the value of R890. To enter send a n email with  "Caterina " in the subject line to sally@mumstheword.co.za before  31 May 2007 (please don't reply directly to this newsletter.)

Gifts from Jewels from Heaven

Introducing Jewels from Heaven, a range of beautiful hand-made jewellery.   The designer, Lynne Marias, describes her creativity as a God-given talent - and all her creations are hand-made, with very few pieces being  made the same. The rainbow in the logo comes through in many of her pieces, including bracelets, necklaces, lauriates (double wrap   necklaces), rings, watches, swarovski crosses, handbag charms, cellphone charms and more. Lynne also makes her own beads which can be  strung into a custom-made piece, or using her existing range of stones and charms. Lynne's pieces are all made with humility, given with love,  and received with delight!  To see some of Lynne's pieces or to order, see  www.mumstheword.co.za/sub/jfh/jewelsindex.htm, or contact Lynne in  Joburg on 0832671575 or  Sally in Cape Town on 0832986489.  Jewels from Heaven are giving away

Back to contents

Noticeboard: This is your space! Submit your comments, ideas or suggestions on anything you have seen or want to see in Mum's the Word. This is also a space to advertise child related products or services, be they your own or something interesting that you have seen or heard about. Email me your contributions and if I deem them suitable I will happily put them up!

	Winners! Congratulations to  Feroza Mia who won the nappy pack from Natural Nappies. For more information see www.naturalnappies.co.za .
	Unfortunately due to an unsavoury element I had to remove my website's free forum. As it was freeware, it had limited controls, and was constantly bombarded with eye popping pictures and links - not what I want my readers to associate me with! I will be trying to come up with a new forum, failing that watch this space for a new page on MTW - if you have any ideas that you think would benefit my site and my readers - let me know!
	Coping with Night Terrors. Post comments or questions on the message board at www.mumstheword.co.za - whatever grabs you! Your comments on MTW would also be hugely appreciated!

Back to contents

In Closing…

I remember saying last month that it was the fastest I had ever got my newsletter completed - well this month feels like the opposite! I started this a couple of days ago, but in  b etween  keeping clients happy ,  public holidays, sick hubby and sick kids, I have  not been able to get to it ! Well finally I am going to send it off - but I think with all those exciting giveaways the wait was worth it! I hope you all get very spoilt on mother's day - I think what I would love most is time with my family, maybe a nice massage, and SLEEP - a rare commodity these days! MTW will be back to its usual format next month, so keep sending your copy on! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY EVERYONE!  

Until next time…

Back to contents