NEWSLETTER - SEPTEMBER 2005

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CONTENTS
Because I said so… your monthly column from the editor
Featured Article: Potty Training, excerpt from Toddler Sense by Ann Richardson
My Story: Potty Training for Dummies, by Erica Neser-Nieuwenhuis
Been there, done that: Top Tips from Erica Neser-Nieuwenhuis
Quick Coffee Break: Quote of the month from Mrs Beeton's Household Management
Bookclub: The No. 1 Ladies' detective agency
Link up! Check out this month's useful link: www.stegi.co.za
Noticeboard: Useful stuff!
In Closing...

Because I said so…

It was requested some time ago that I do an article on potty training. Fine, I thought, I am sure I can find someone to write one for me. Which I have. No problem. But as you have probably realised, I like to tie my column in with the theme of the article… and well what can I say about potty training… except that I haven’t tried it yet! Megan has a potty… she knows what it’s for and has even very proudly used it once or twice, diligently pouring the contents all over the toilet seat when she was done in an effort to flush it away (and we even had to carry it around the house to show Daddy how clever we were). But other than that, there is not much I can say about potty training as such. Megan is after all not even two yet, and in this weather, well there’s no chance of letting her run around with her cute behind catching the breeze.

What I can do, however, is tell you a little story on the subject of toilet matters. Something that happened to someone my husband knows. (Note: this is not an urban legend. What you are about to read is a true re-enactment of actual events). Picture the scene. Upmarket grocery store (you know the one I’m talking about). Picture book family: Mommy, Daddy, little boy, baby girl. Mommy pushing trolley in queue with baby girl strapped into baby chair. Daddy and little boy trundling up and down aisles trying to keep little boy entertained (shops are very boring for toddlers, but that’s another chapter entirely).

Little boy pipes up: “Dad-deeee, I need to weeeee!”
“Yes, Son,” Daddy replies, “Mommy is just paying, then we can go look for a toilet.”
“But Dad-deeeeeee, I got to go nooow!”
“Just wait, we are almost at the beginning of the queue. Can’t you just hold it for five minutes?”
(Cue little boy to start jiggling like a grasshopper on caffeine, holding his hands between his legs).
“Noo-oh. I gotta go! Nooow Dadddddeeee!”
(Cue Daddy to start looking a bit agitated, pretending that jiggly son does not exist as fellow shoppers start peering around to see what the commotion is behind them.)
“Just wait!” he hisses in little boy’s direction. “Two more minutes!”
Silence ensues. Little boy stops fidgeting and seemingly accepts the two minute wait. Daddy sighs with relief, happy that attention is off the little family. Daddy starts paging through car magazine while waiting for the queue to move. Mommy wipes teething biscuit off baby girl’s fingers with already overused biscuity wetwipe. Order restored. Until… Little boy nonchalantly pulls down tracksuit pants and lets go of full bladder into the nearest tray of imported dairy milk bonbons. Said bonbons are quickly loaded into the trolley, paid for, packeted. No mess, no fuss. Family quickly makes for the carpark, unloads trolley and children, and head for home. Matter closed. And Daddy has learnt an important lesson in toddlerdom: when you gotta go, you gotta go now!
It is for this reason that, for now, I am happy with the status quo. Quite frankly having Megan in nappies is nice and convenient – I dread the day when I am in the middle of Pick n’ Pay when she decides that she needs to go. Having to leave the trolley in the middle of aisle 4, find someone to tell me where the toilets are, trek there and back, and then finally get shopping done. But I know I will get there – and soon I think. Megan definitely has an awareness of what is happening – and often tells me when she is about to go. I have even witnessed her picking up a present from the dog with a tissue and throwing it in the toilet – and even closing the lid and flushing, so they really do learn by imitation! And lucky for me she has regular habits (too much information?) so nappies really are the most convenient, and until the potty training starts, I will just keep on “pampering” her! So hold your breath, Meggie Muggles, this bumcream’s cold!

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Featured Article: Potty Training
To coincide with its launch of Ann Richardson's Toddler Sense, we bring you an excerpt on Potty Training

Bladder and bowel control can only occur once the nerves and muscles involved are fully developed. This occurs at approximately 24 months of age. Your toddler will begin to make the connection between her inner sensations and the physical reality of passing a stool or urine. The nerves to the bowel and bladder need to get messages from the brain (via the sensory system) to the muscles of the bladder and bowel so that effective emptying can take place. The muscles of the bowel and bladder also need to be strong enough to hold onto their contents until they can be emptied. Some children do have motor control problems, so may take longer to develop control the sphincter (the valve at the opening of the bladder). Some children are under-reactive to sensations, so may not even notice that they are urinating till much later. On the other hand, if your toddler is over-reactive to sensation, the feeling of something leaving her body may be intense and frightening. Your toddler may simply not enjoy the feeling of sitting on the potty or toilet, after becoming accustomed to having the closeness and warmth of the nappy to push against.

Developmental requirements

For optimal control, it is obvious that your toddler needs to be able to sit, stand and walk in order for this function to take place. She also needs to be able to follow simple instructions, so obviously you will need the full co-operation of your child in order to succeed. You should therefore not feel pressurised to rush into toilet training from an early age (definitely not under 18 month of age), otherwise it is doomed to fail. Two years of age is a good time to begin to prepare your toddler for this big milestone in her life. Most children are indifferent to their bodily functions, so it is a good idea to accept this and follow their cues. What is amusing to note is that around this age (24 months), when most children are developed enough to begin to gain control of their bowel and bladder function, a strange paradox occurs. Their ‘lower end’ becomes ready, but at around the same time, the ‘upper end’ becomes unwilling, as this is the typical age of wilfulness and stubbornness, so often your toddler will resist your sudden interest in her bodily functions! Keep a level head and a sense of humour and all will be well.

Her sensory system indicates readiness

Because it is easier to ‘hold onto’ stools than it is to a full bladder, your toddler will most likely achieve bowel control first. However, it doesn’t mean that anything is wrong if bladder control is achieved first.

The first sign that your toddler is ready to become toilet trained, is when she begins to show awareness of what is happening either before or after a bowel movement. She may understand and say words such as “poo”, “wee” or “toilet”, squirm and touch her bottom, or may stop what she is doing. If she takes her nappy off continuously, and can pull her pants down, it may be a sign that she is getting ready for this big milestone in her life. The connection is finally there! Her sensory system is giving her the message that something is happening. It is also prudent to take note of the climate at the time that your child may be ready for toilet training. It is far easier to let your toddler potter around the garden completely naked in hot summer months, than in the middle of winter! Having to change countless pairs of corduroys and change socks and shoes each time she has an accident is frustrating and tiresome. If your toddler is younger than 26–28 months in winter, delay toilet training until the weather improves, if possible. Don’t leave it too late however, as delaying training for too long can make it worse.

Practical and healthy guidelines

Toilet or potty training can be as easy and relaxed as you make it. Not putting any pressure on your little one to perform at any stage improves your chances of success dramatically. Follow these practical suggestions:

	It is a good idea to get a potty well before you think you may need it. Place it in the bathroom near the toilet, and explain what it is even if your toddler is not yet ready.
	Let her accompany you to the toilet from an early age, so that she can get used to the idea, and learn from watching you – this will take the mystery and fear out of this new idea. Always tell her, “Mommy is having a wee”. Invite her to tear off the toilet paper for you, and help you flush.
	If you have a son, ask your husband to invite him to accompany him to the toilet. This way, he will learn that boys do it differently to girls. Place a piece of toilet paper in the bowl and show him how to aim at the paper. If he prefers to sit down to pass urine, reassure him that it is fine and try to avoid putting pressure on him to do it ‘the right way’.
	Some children prefer to sit on the ‘big’ toilet as they find sitting on a potty uncomfortable. Either way, it does not matter whether you start your child off on a potty or on a toilet. If your child prefers to sit on the toilet, invest in a special toddler inner toilet seat (available at most baby shops and supermarkets) for a more comfortable and stable sit.
	If your toddler is frightened by the noise of the toilet flushing, wait until she has left the room before flushing. Always encourage her to help you flush, but if she doesn’t want to, don’t force her.
	If your child gets ‘stage fright’, try turning on the taps – the sound of running water often helps them relax.
	Teach your daughter how to wipe from front to back, and your son to wait till the drips stop.
	Make it a rule that the toilet seat always goes down after finishing on the toilet.
	Teach your children by example that their hands must be washed and dried after a potty or toilet session, regardless of success or not!
	Consider singing a special song such as “this is the way we go to the loo, go to the loo, go to the loo…” to encourage reluctant toddlers to co-operate. Story books explaining what is happening are also most useful.
	Expect some regression if she is stressed in any way such as starting a new school, the arrival of a sibling or illness. Let her go back into nappies, and with loads of love and encouragement, try again after a short while.

Sense-able secret: Invest in a toilet seat with an inner and a built-in step and hand rail. This way, your toddler will be able to sit comfortably on the toilet and will always have her feet on a firm surface as well as have something to hold onto.

Ann Richardson's Toddler Sense can be ordered online at www.babysense.co.za

WIN WIN WIN!
To celebrate the launch of Toddler Sense, www.babysense.co.za is giving away one copy to a lucky reader - certainly a must have for any mum (I am ordering my copy today!). To enter, send your name, contact details and delivery address to sally@mumstheword.co.za before 20 September 2005.

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My Story: Potty Training for Dummies
By Erica Neser-Nieuwenhuis

I am in the process of potty training my laatlammetjie. She is three years old. Being a third child, it would actually be more accurate to say that I am letting her teach herself, because my older children are in the middle of writing exams and I don’t really have time to follow her around with the famous yellow potty.

This potty has been in our family for over a decade now. I bought it when my son Roald was two years old, because he seemed to be taking an interest in his bodily functions. Being quite young myself, I didn’t know the first or last thing about potty training, so I took the advice of my mother-in-law: “Get it over and done with, it will only take two weeks.”

Thing is – we had a brand new baby at the time. I should have known it wasn’t such a good time. This is how it went:

I sit down to feed baby Aniek. Roald suddenly shouts, I WANT TO WEE!! So I hastily put Aniek down (she would start screaming, of course) and Roald and I run to the bathroom. He sits on the potty waiting for something to happen. He insists on a story. Then another. All the while there’s the baby’s yelling in the background. Nothing happens in the potty. So we accept that it was a false alarm, and we leave the bathroom.

Ten steps down the passage: WEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Huge puddle on the carpet, pants, shoes and socks wet. Sigh. Here we go again.

I tried putting a nappy on him again for a while, but by this time he wasn’t having any of that. So we had to press on. He was able to feel when the wee was coming, but could not hold it in for even one second, so it inevitably came in his pants. It was up to me to take him to the potty every half hour – and children don’t like being interrupted every half hour when they are playing. It was a whole year before he really could help himself completely by both knowing it was time to go and managing to get to the potty and have the pants down in time. Not to mention the test of my patience. I think he realised that saying “Weee!!” was a way of getting instant attention and getting Mum to put the baby down and be with him instead.

At night, I would sit him on the potty at midnight and he would wee without really waking up. But it was a hassle and it was often too late anyway. We had to change his sheets many times.

Looking back, with the wisdom of hindsight, I should have just left it for another year. It was crazy to start potty training when he was barely two, and when his baby sister was a month old.

Moving on to child number two: When Aniek was 22 months old, she said that she wanted to use the potty. As you can imagine, I wasn’t keen. I was happy to wait another year! But she was quite insistent. She was doing splendidly by her own little self for a whole month. Then she regressed and wanted nothing to do with the yellow potty. Six months later we tried again, and this time it worked, although she couldn’t really be trusted to go by herself and I still had to take her to the potty when I thought it was time for a wee. I left her in a nappy at night until she had gone for several weeks without wetting her nappy at night, before leaving that one off. It was never necessary to take her for a wee in the middle of the night.

Back to Mila the laatlammetjie: This time I vowed to WAIT. The potty was hidden away until she was almost three. I would even have waited some more if I hadn’t decided to enrol her in a playschool that required the kids to be (more or less) potty trained. The teachers were willing to help train her. So off she went, wearing her new panties. I felt a little guilty about it: just because she’s not wearing a nappy doesn’t mean she’s potty trained! She had lots of puddles at school and still doesn’t like doing a poo in the potty. That always ends up in the pants. But I decided to just let her be. The great thing about having waited, is that I don’t have to chase after her with the potty or interrupt her every half an hour to see if she needs to wee. She goes all by herself! Because she is a little older, she can hold it in for a minute, leaving enough time to reach the potty. She still wears the nappy at night and naptime. These will stay on until they stay dry throughout the night or nap.

Pretty soon she’ll be using the toilet (she is practising at school) and the yellow potty will probably be thrown away after ten years of service. I won’t be sad to see it go, to be quite honest!

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Been there, done that: Top Tips on Potty Training
By Erica Neser-Nieuwenhuis, mom of three

	Don’t be in a hurry to start.
	It is not necessarily less of a hassle to have a potty trained child. Taking your child to the potty every half hour and wiping up puddles is more hassle than changing nappies.
	Rather potty train at the right age than the right season – it is definitely easier to potty train in summer, but if your child is too young, rather wait till the next summer, or till she is really ready, whatever the season.
	Don’t start potty training when there’s a new baby. Wait another half a year.
	Never push, force, scold or become impatient (I know how hard this is, after wiping the seventh puddle of the day.)
	Star charts can work well for kids close to three years of age.
	If you go on an outing, put the nappy on. Trying to reach the toilet in time in a big shopping mall is just impossible.
	Pull-up pants seem like a good idea, but are very expensive and often end up being wee-ed in anyway. As long as they are wearing anything absorbent, they don't really seem to "get it". Didn't work for us.
	Start with a potty, then get a special seat for the toilet. When they sit on the toilet, they are gripping so tightly for fear of falling in, that they can't really relax enough to let the wee or poo come out!
	Don’t try to leave the nighttime nappy off if your child is still drinking bottles at night. Get rid of the bottle first!
	Keep your perspective: remember that wee is only salt water (with a bit of a smell of course).
	It may look a bit common but it really is OK for toddlers to run around naked at home and wee on the grass. (Yes, I know, you thought you’d never allow it, but just let it be.)
	Remember that she will get it right eventually.
	Keep your sense of humour!
	Some toddlers are very easy to potty train, others take a very long time (and lots of patience and practice). Take individual differences into account.

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Quick Coffee Break: Quote of the month from Mrs Beeton's Household Management

My dad was recently sorting out his bookcase and he came across this... um... amazing volume that used to belong to my grandmother's mother (you can just imagine how old it is), called Mrs Beeton's Household Management. At 1,680 pages long, it is filled with all sorts of advice for the... again um... 'modern' wife. Since this newsletter is dedicated to giving advice to the modern woman, I had to share some of Mrs Beeton's gems with you. I shall begin with a quote from Chapter 1: The Mistress:

"Housekeeping has been aptly described as the 'oldest industry'. It is certainly the most important, the very linch-pin of life's daily round... There are those - not many nowadays - who hold that housekeeping is a matter of instinct and the light of nature. Many women have, it is true, an inherited capacity; but, like all other arts, this of domestic management must be cultivated, and even the most self-reliant of brides is generally willing, after a short experience, to concede that she is glad of such counsel as a well-tried book like this can give."

So look forward to more of Mrs Beeton's sage advice in future issues!

Bookclub: The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency, by Alexander McCall Smith

If you haven't yet started Alexander McCall Smith's brilliant collection, then get going with this, the first in the series. You won't be able to put it down, and when you reach the end, you will be grabbing for the next, unable to get enough of the adventures of Precious Ramotswe. Set in Botswana, the first book tells how Mma Ramotswe sets up her little business with the money her father left her, having been through a difficult marriage and now going out on her own. It is very simply written, but so African in it's descriptions that you find yourself smiling as

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Link up! www.stegi.co.za

Introducing Stegi Econappy - the first re-usable, shaped 100% cotton nappy in South Africa! Stegi Econappy is committed to producing nappies and associated products that are safer, healthy, environmentally friendly and cost effective - all lovally made. Stegi are currently having a launch special of 30% off all quoted prices, or spread the cost of a starter pack (nappies, covers and liners) over 5 months - for more info see their website!

WIN WIN WIN!

Give your toddler the confidence to ditch his nappy with a pair of training pants from Stegi Nappy. They are made of 80% cotton, allowing for comfort against your little one's skin, with an absorbent and polyurethane inner to prevent accidents spoiling clothes. Toddlers can pull the pants up and down by themselves, and can be washed and reused.

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Noticeboard: This is your space! Submit your comments, ideas or suggestions on anything you have seen or want to see in Mum's the Word. This is also a space to advertise child related products or services, be they your own or something interesting that you have seen or heard about. Email me your contributions and if I deem them suitable I will happily put them up!

	The Smile Christmas Collection will be out shortly - some fantastic new products to order for your children, extended family or friends! If you would like to be first in the know, email sally@mumstheword.co.za and I will keep you up to date.
	MTN Sciencentre monday specials! For the months of September and October 2005, adults get in at half price (R12) while kids go in for FREE! (Conditions: children must be accompanied by a paying adult; special not valid for groups of 10 or more; special not valid on 16 Septmber). For more info see www.mtnsciencentre.org.za or phone (021) 529-8100.
	Congrats to the following mums who won this month's prizes: R50 babypure voucher: Debbie Emery, cabinet slide locks: Sally Dowling; and trolley strap: Wendy Beato. Order your baby or toddler's food online at www.babypure.co.za. You can order your trolley strap from Heidi on 082 708 4001 email hubba@iWynberg.com.
	We recently had a wonderful break in Langebaan on the West Coast - the flowers are out, something to behold! If you are in the area, I recommend that you take a drive through the nature reserve at this time of year - the littlies will love the flowers and you are likely to see a couple of ostriches, lots of birds (there are a couple of bird hides along the way) and if you are lucky the odd wildebeest and zebra (we have even seen Southern Right whales at the end of the reserve) - and watch out for the protected tortoises crossing the road. On the way back you can stop off at Geelbek for tea - they serve delicious goodies under the trees in an enclosed garden, with fantastic views of the lagoon and the kids will love the weavers and canaries trying to share your cake or make off with the sugar (although you are encouraged NOT to feed the birds!). There is also a little wooden jungle gym with a slide, monkey ropes and cargo net to keep them entertained.
	Next issue: we will be talking about toddler taming - mine certainly needs some of this at the moment - we are starting the terrible twos a bit early methinks! Of course I love her to bits, but this "NO!" business has got to stop! Please send us your comments, funny stories, tips or questions to sally@mumstheword.co.za.

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In Closing…

Hopefully those of you about to start potty training will have some tips now, but remember, all in their own time. On that note I got a call from my brother the other day to boast that his little one had gone to the potty all by herself for the first time - twice in fact (a number one AND a number two!) - so they are all very chuffed - well done Cammy! Soon your cousin Meg will also be a big girl like you! As always, I am on the lookout for any contributions, connections or submissions, you know how to reach me (for those porridge brains out there it's sally@mumstheword.co.za)! Please also keep sending your newsletters on - and feedback is always welcome!

Until next time…

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