NEWSLETTER - SEPTEMBER 2006

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CONTENTS
Ed's Note
Because I said so… your monthly column from the editor - guest column from Debbie Oxche
Featured Article: Touch Matters for Parents and Babies, by Joanne Bradley 
Quick Coffee Break: Is this for real? Read a real transcript from online help I recently had...
Link up: Natural Expressions Photography
Top Tips! Coping with a Caesar, by Sally Hetherington
Giveaways! See what's on offer this month
Noticeboard: Your space
In Closing...

Ed's Note

I received a number of emails after my last issue congratulating me on getting it out in time - quite frankly I am not sure how I did it! And even more frankly, I am not sure how this one is managing to get completed too! The first couple of weeks at home were certainly the honeymoon period - Caitlin was so easy it was laughable, compared to how her big sister was at that age! She would sleep merrily in her carry cot while we ate supper and had some time together... Until she turned a month that is! She went through a terrible patch of screaming every night for three or four hours - her body seemed to know when it was ten pm at which time she would finally switch off - and we would get to eat supper at last! We were terrified it was colic, but with the help of our excellent paediatrition we seem to have sorted it out with a bit of buscopan and a good bedtime routine! I am still shatteringly exhausted - so I hope to keep MTW coming every month - and my website certainly needs a good update as well while I am on the subject - but please in the meantime forward your copy of MTW on so that your friends with kids can read it in case the online version is not quite up to date yet (next on my list of things to do!) Last month I promised you more pictures of my family - and I endevour to keep my promises! I had some amazing pictures taken by a local photographer, Heidi Hutton, who truely captured the essence of my children - and even made me look okay if I may say so myself (I don't like pictures of myself!). Have a look below at the link of the month for more info and to see all those amazing pictures on my website... Finally, I get lots of emails every month with all sorts of suggestions and contributions - but hey I'm also a mum struggling with time issues so why not put your fingers to the keyboard, get typing, and send me your contributions all complete and I will publish them here - we are all in the same game so it would be great to share your stories too! Send them as always to sally@mumstheword.co.za.

Because I said so…

I recently received an email from another new mum who was complaining that her husband doesn't seem to be pulling his fair share, and she asked me to write something along these lines on do's and don'ts for the new dad as well… personally, I am extremely blessed to have a very hands-on hubby, who, when he is available, certainly gets stuck in to try and make my life easier. With this in mind I asked said reader to get cracking and send me her own list… so here is Debbie Oxche's list of do's and don'ts for the first time dad (and again I stress, at no way directed at you, Clayton!)

The first three months are the toughest and that's when us new mom need all the help we can get, specifically from our husbands, and maybe if they knew some of these things, it would be wonderful and a great help to mom! I know that I'm not the only one who goes through this - four of my closest friends also had babies around the same time as I did, and they're also having issues with their spouses (they've contributed to this as well). So here are some do's and don'ts for new dads (moms should actually show this to them) and if there's anything else that can be added by others, please feel free to send it to the editor!

First week – We know you are excited to show off the product of your virility – but please don't invite all the friends and family over the very first day that mommy and baby are home from the hospital… it is all very new and overwhelming so at least wait until we've settled in (particularly if mom has had a Caesar and is in significant pain). Try aim for the second week rather – unless of course we have invited someone ourselves – after all we are the ones who are recovering from the agony of childbirth so it's our prerogative (and remember, granny does not count as a visitor – she's there to help so don't complain if she's in your space!).

When mommy has to breastfeed (dripping away like a leaky tap – trust me that let down reflex can be like a red hot poker to the nipples!) and visitors arrive, don't simply make up a bottle and say “oh, let so and so feed him rather”… Remember – I AM THE COW… and if I HAVE TO FEED HIM, accept it! Bottles are great to give me a break from being the cow, but ask first (unless it's two in the morning and you can see I am fast asleep!). If you are passionate about giving your sister a turn to feed, ask me before she arrives to express, but don't be offended if I refuse – after all being milked by a machine is even worse than playing cow to baby!

When the mommy is busy with baby, don't undermine her by saying “did you do this, did you do that”. Being a mommy comes instinctively (well most of the time anyway!) and we do our best – if in doubt do it yourself and give mom a break! ( ed's note – if dad does offer to help, accept it graciously and let him do it his own way – we all have our methods so don't tell him how to do it, just be grateful for the help!)

Don't be so quick to pass baby back to mommy as soon as he/she starts wailing! Babies cry. Deal with it. When you've had your 30 minutes of ‘playing' each day, don't just say “baby wants mommy” and give baby to us when you've had enough (or when baby needs changing!)… if baby didn't actually say “I want mommy”, then it's not true… Mommy's been with baby the whole day, every single, day so the least daddy could do is keep baby for at least 2 hours so mommy can relax, brush hair, take pj's off, shower, put pj's back on, make supper, etc…

Don't say “okay Honey, you go to the shops and take a break” and then follow with “Don't forget your cell…” (and then phone to ask when we're coming back when we've practically just pulled out the driveway …). If you are going to give mom a break, give her a real one. Tell her to go out while you take 100% charge of baby. If you are really stuck, call granny!

Keep in mind that although mommy has to breastfeed for the first few weeks (if she is lucky enough!), once baby takes a bottle, there's no excuse why daddy can't contribute to early morning feeds (and remember the morning officially starts just after midnight – not at 6am – so pitch in even when the sun ain't shining!). Sometimes baby just wants a cuddle – daddies can cuddle too can't they - after all, didn't cuddling lead to baby?

At least TRY to understand that backache can be severe, lack of sleep (at least broken sleep) leads to sheer and utter exhaustion and we cannot ALWAYS nap when baby does. There are always things to do (especially if you have more than one child!) – so don't assume when you get home that we have spent the entire day with baby cuddled to our breast looking pretty on our beds… And if supper is not on the stove yet… offer to call for a pizza!

Mommy will be frustrated and cry a couple of times, and it's not because baby is a burden, or because our social life is a mess, or because we didn't get a chance to brush our hair this morning! It's because our bodies are so sore, and we can't even see straight anymore from lack of sleep, and we're frustrated with trying to explain why we're tired or why we're sore when we've supposedly been resting all day (haha!), or why we're crying, every single day for three months and the daddy STILL doesn't get it… Don't always try to fix the problem, just give us a big hug, tell us we're doing an awesome job, and take baby for a few hours while we relax in the bath or catch up on our favourite soap… (and cooking supper while you hold baby is not considered “time out”!)

If we don't “do mornings” (no smiley faces & chirpiness) for a while, then daddies should PLEASE understand why… imagine if they did what mothers do, day in, day out, they'd pull their hair out or go grey overnight!

Hubby says "if you have a moment can you put in lunch for me / do this / do that"... We say "If I have a moment? Let me tell you what "if I have a moment" means to me... IF I HAVE A MOMENT - I'll go to the loo... IF I HAVE A MOMENT - I'll brush my teeth and wash my face... IF I HAVE A MOMENT - I'll attempt to get dressed... IF I HAVE A MOMENT - I'll have a quick bite..." Don't ever ask us again IF WE HAVE A MOMENT...

Finally, remember that for every three good days there must be at least one bad day. It can't all be peaches and cream. Enjoy coming home to a good day, but bear with mom after a bad day!

Thanks Debbie – and as a second time mom, the best advice I can give to new moms, is that it does get easier, and before you know it your little one will be off to school and you will wonder where the time went – encourage dad to be involved because you will never get those precious moments back again!

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Featured Article: Touch Matters for Parents and Babies
By Joanne Bradley - Infant Massage Instructor

"Feeding babies with touch, giving food to their skin and their backs, is just as important as filling their stomachs."

Dr Frederick Leboyer – The Traditional Art of Baby Massage

Being parents for the first time can be a stress-filled adjustment to your lives. Learning to massage your baby can help you as parents handle these changes in more effective ways, resulting in a strong relationship between you and child.

As I watch my 4 and 2 year olds play with their dolls, I am often reminded how natural rocking and soothing touch is. Instinctively they know to rock, pat and rub their babies as they comfort them. Unfortunately somewhere is our modern stress-filled world many of us have forgotten that the most soothing and comforting way that we can help our babies is with touch.

Touch is the first sense to develop in the fetus and this is why one of the baby's primary needs is touch. From the moment of conception, the baby growing inside its mother is gently massaged as it develops. As it grows so it feels all her movements and has a wonderful massage by the amniotic fluid. For most babies the most powerful massage occurs in the birth canal, as it is massaged during labour into its new world. We all need touch throughout our lives, not just to thrive, but to survive.

The benefits of infant massage are enormous. It works on all systems of the body, improving circulation, decreasing pain, improving general functioning of the immune system and helping with problems such as colic and sleep difficulties. The regular practice of massage acts as a vehicle for the critical elements of bonding and relationship building. This kind of touch communication provides a common language for parent-baby interaction. Learning to relax in our busy world is a skill parents need to nurture for themselves as well as for their children. Studies indicate that the effects of performing infant massage are just as profound on the parent's physical, mental and emotional well being as they are on the child's.

Baby massage is not something that is simply done to a child, it is a trusting and enjoyable dance between the person giving the massage and the baby. It paves the way to the start of a wonderful relationship filled with communication.

TIPS FOR GIVING YOUR BABY A MASSAGE

• Ensure the room is warm and that there are no bright lights or distractive noises
• Have everything that you need on hand before starting
• Use a vegetable oil for massage as it is edible and gets absorbed by the skin, resulting in no reactions, sunflower, almond oil and olive oils all work well.
• Have your baby in a position that ensures good eye contact can be achieved
• Always ask permission before starting to massage to show respect.
• Relax and let your hands glide firmly over your baby as you talk to them, reinforcing that what you are doing is good.
• Always massage the stomach in a clockwise direction

HOW CAN YOU LEARN?

Group or private classes in infant massage are an excellent way to learn this special dance between you and your baby. To ensure that you attend a quality course, make sure that your instructor is certified and registered with International Association of Infant Massage (IAIM).  In a class, parents are taught the different techniques of massage. There are no age constraints with massage, but different ages dictate different styles, techniques and lengths of massage i.e. Massage for a 2 week old, will be much more abbreviated than a massage for a seven month old. An instructor will guide the parent to read their baby's cues and all other factors such as posturing, temperature and use of oil that need attention during the massage. A wonderful simple routine is taught that is easy to perform and effective in stimulating all the baby's systems. 

Joanne Bradley, is a mother of 2. She has taught hundreds of parents and caregivers to massage their babies and is certified with the International Association of Infant Massage. She has also trained in London as a Massage in Schools Instructor, in order to teach Children Peer Massage. She offers Baby Massage Classes in Kyalami, and in Petervale, Bryanston. Private home visits and gift vouchers are also available.

Contact Joanne for details: 083 303 1190, or joannebradley@global.co.za

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Quick Coffee Break: Is this for real? Read this real life transcript...

I recently had problems with my all-in-one printer/fax/copier/scanner and went online to chat to one of their real-time technicians... this is the exact transcript of the online conversation - I am still not 100% convinced that I wasn't talking to a robot - albeit a very clever one... I have changed the name to protect the privacy of said robot... It all seemed to surreal and bizarre that I had to share it with you...

John: Hi Sally. My name is John, hope you are doing fine. How may I assist you today?

Sally: Hi John, I have an office jet allinone and I keep getting a popup message saying that there is a paper jam and that I must clear the jam and press ok on the machine, however there is no jam at all and no paper in. When I press okay it beeps three times and repeats the message.

John: I am sorry to hear that and promise to do my best to resolve the issue. Since how long have you been facing this problem?

Sally: for a few days now - have been trying to fix it but have given up! i cant use any of the functions now - not even the regular phone.

John: Thank you for the information. Let us trouble shoot the issue and have it resolved. Shall we proceed?

Sally: yes please.

John: Please turn off the printer and open the rear access door of the printer and clean the paper feed rollers with a rag lightly moistened with clean water and also check if there is any small piece of paper left inside the printer.

Sally: ok hold on.

John: Sure.

Sally: done - no paper inside but cleaned rollers.

John: Now please turn the printer on.

Sally: must i put the cover back on the rear?

John: Yes, please.

Sally: okay switching on... same story - please clear paper jam and press ok.

John: I am sorry to hear that again. Let us try some other steps and have it resolved. Shall we proceed?

Sally: yes please. where r u based by the way?

John: I am extremely sorry to inform that I am not authorized to reveal policy information such as my location and identity. Please do bear with me. I hope you understand, Sally.

Sally: okay, was just curious!

John: Here are the steps to do so: 1. Unplug the power cord from the back of the printer. 2. Press and hold # and 6 while plugging in the power cord. Continue holding until it displays Semi Full Reset message in the front panel of the All-in-One. Please let me know once you are done.

Sally: done. asking for language preference.

John: Is the printer turned on?

Sally: yes.

John: Did you receive any messages on the printer?

Sally: it said it was resetting now its asking for language - scrolling through the language options automatically.

John: Please go ahead with the onscreen instructions.

Sally: okay selected english now same story - paper jam. do I need to take it back to the store? its not quite a year old yet.

John: yes, that would be better.

Sally: okay i will ask them to sort it out because there is definitely no paper jam!

John: However, shall I provide with south africa tech support number?

Sally: yes please.

John: Please give me a minute.

Sally: no problem.

John: Thanks for being online with me. I appreciate your patience. Here is the number 0860 xxxxxx.
Is there anything else I can assist you with today?

Sally: unless u can cure my bronchitis no thanks. thank you for your help - sorry to have wasted your time! :-)

John: Are you completely satisfied with the service you received from me today? My pleasure.
Sally, as you are a loyal customer of ABC, your satisfaction is our primary goal. I shall do anything to make you completely satisfy.

Sally: not 100% because the problem is still there but I will take it back to the store. but I appreciate your help all the same.

John: Thanks, Sally. Thanks for being so cooperative. I appreciate your patience. It was a pleasure assisting you today. Thank you for contacting ABC and giving us an opportunity to serve you. Bye and Take care.

For more quick funnies, prose and pictures, see the Coffee Break on www.mumstheword.co.za - and keep them coming to sally@mumstheword.co.za!

Link up - www.naturalexpressions.co.za

Heidi Hutton spent much of her childhood with her father both behind the camera and in the darkroom watching and learning. She possesses a great creative flair, and when she had her daughter she decided to quit the corporate world and take up her hobby and passion professionally. She describes her style as one that 'seizes the moment' and encapsulates a child's character with the emphasis very much on the 'natural expression'. Bringing a gentle yet fun mood to her photographs, Heidi really enjoys bringing the beautiful to life and freeze a moment in time for you to treasure and keep forever.

Heidi recently did a photo shoot for the Mum's the Word editor – and what amazing pictures and beautifully presented in print and on a CD. You can see them online at www.mumstheword.co.za/hutton.htm. Heidi is offering all Mum's the Word subscribers 15% off all shoots for the month of September! Heidi can be contacted on 072 7577638.

P.S.: Don't forget to add your views on anything and everything to the forum on www.mumstheword.co.za!

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Top Tips: Coping with a Caesar
by Sally Hetherington

• I have had both a spinal block and an epidural and personally found the recovery time for the epidural much faster. While the spinal took the best part of a day to wear off (nice in terms of pain relief, but not nice in terms of getting mobile), the epidural wore off in just a few hours so I was able to move about more – speak to your specialist about this.
• When I had my epidural I was offered something called a PCA (Patient Controlled Analgesia). This was a little gadget attached to my drip with a little button, and every time the pain got too much I just hit the button and a small, limited dose of morphine would be released and I would be a happy little camper! This was also great for when you needed to go to the toilet for example, as you would hit the button ten minutes before getting up so that when you did move the pain wasn't as intense. I could only use the PCA for the first 24 hours as it does make mom and baby somewhat sleepy.
• Caesars are sore, make no mistake. The last thing you want to do is actually get up and move because it hurts like nobody's business! But believe the nurses when they tell you that the sooner you get mobile the sooner you feel better. My recovery time second time around was much faster because I was up and about quicker.
• Don't be a martyr. If they give you drugs for pain relief, take them. Preferably before the pain becomes too much!
• Accept help! Ask friends to rather provide meals instead of flowers. Stock your deepfreeze before you go in. And don't feel bad asking friends to do small chores if you are in too much pain to do them yourself!
• Finally, take things as easy as you can (hard with a new baby I know!). Remember you have had major surgery and need time to recover – don't pick up heavy objects, forget the housework, and try and rest when you can!

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WINWINWIN! This Month's Amazing Giveaways!

Massage Voucher - Regret JHB Subscribers Only!
Learning the art of massaging your baby is a skill that will help bring you closer to your little one - with many added benefits: relieve colic, teething and other physical problems, enhance interaction and bonding, help with postnatal depression, and meet other mums with babies. One lucky Joburg reader will win a R150 voucher to put towards a baby massage course, complements of Joanne Bradley, infant massage instructor. To enter send your details to sally@mumstheword.co.za with  "Massage" in the subject line before 25  September  2006 (please don't reply directly to this newsletter). For more information on Joanne's courses or to find out about courses in your area email joannebradley@global.co.za.  

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Noticeboard: This is your space! Submit your comments, ideas or suggestions on anything you have seen or want to see in Mum's the Word. This is also a space to advertise child related products or services, be they your own or something interesting that you have seen or heard about. Email me your contributions and if I deem them suitable I will happily put them up!

	We have a winner! Congrats to Lynn Nathan, Debi Christie and Hajira Habib who each won a Vital Kidstime hamper, and to Nariman Diedericks who won the Oodles of Doodles nameplate and trinket box. Your prizes will be with you shortly! For more info on Vital contact Janine at janine@vhf.co.za and for more on the Oodles range contact Yasmina at ysteyn@mweb.co.za. And remember to keep those entries coming!
	I have received lots of pics of your children lately - I have actually found time somehow inbetween changing nappies and making bottles to update my site so have a look to see if your little one is there! If you have sent a pic recently and it's not there, please let me know as it might have slipped through all the other emails in my inbox! Thanks!
	Next issue:  We will be talking about  Doula's - what they are and how they can help with labour. Post any questions or issues that you feel need to be discussed on the message board at www.mumstheword.co.za - whatever grabs you! Your comments on MTW would also be hugely appreciated!

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In Closing…

Wow the time sure flies when you are up to your ears in nappies and wetwipes! I must say having two children is certainly a juggling act of note - and as far as Megan is concerned the novelty of having a baby sister is certainly wearing thin... especially now that she realises how much time she takes! So it's amazing that I have time to do this newsletter - thank goodness for early bedtimes and good routines - something I cannot recommend enough! If any of you have any advice to share on this big juggle please email then to me! Otherwise my baby girl is growing so fast that she will be as big as her sister in no time - I hope that you will all enjoy watching her grow as much as we will and already are - that first smile was well worth all the effort!   It's also been great having all your emails and comments - please keep them coming!

Until next time…

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